Die jokes

A tortoise was in a dry pool along with some geese. The tortoise said that they could carry him to a fresh pool. Then the geese flew through the air holding the tortoise. The tortoise was about to say something, but fell and died.

Die you potato.

I baked you a pie.

Oh boy, which flavor?

Pie Pie Pie Pie.

Dad, I'm hungry.

Hi hungry, I'm dad.

Why did you name this way?

Why Why Why?

I want to make another joke about Josef Vasicek, but I think if I make the NHL, I'll die in an airplane crash, so I won't risk it again.

What did Stephen Hawking say when he died?

"Windows shut down sound."

"Hey, Prince, I want to say, "Don't die, I love you!"

There's a plane crash. Every single person died.

Who lived? The married people!

A man dies of old age on his 25th birthday. How is this possible?

Answer: He was born on February 29.

What was Stephen Hawking's last message before he died: "Server shutting down."

I started a company making coffins. The slogan? 'We're dying to meet you.'

This is 15 first-year treating a swan.

Students return: "Without payment?"

The word "I die with many important problems."

Later, you answer this point: "DSD, rats?"

Lenin was on his deathbed, with Stalin sitting by his side.

Lenin says: "What are you going to do after I die? They might not follow you."

Stalin responds: "Then they'll follow you."

Someone prank calls a general. The general hangs up and goes, "Kids these days have no respect for their elders. That's why I send them all to die."

My uncle died from falling off a ladder and landing on his head (true story).

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put my uncle together again.

In 9/11, people were dying for the pizza. But it was at the bottom, so they had to die for it literally.

Why did Sally not come home from school today?

Because she died by a flying brick!

She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.

I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.

My bro’s parents died, but he didn’t know why.

Turns out they died because he was a failure, and he would be going to an orphanage in 4 days.

I wondered why there was red all over my bathroom til I found out that my sis had dyed her hair red. Man, it looked like somebody died in there! Lol.

You're so poor that you die and go to the backrooms.

Why did Stephen Hawking die so soon?

Because his misses bought the wrong batteries.