Die jokes

If being near immortal was a normal thing, I bet wanting to die would've been too.

What happened after Technoblade died?

Everyone got raw pork chop.

What's worse than depression & suicide?

Easy: LIVING. Everyday you wish you were dead but then reality hits you in the face that you're still alive and have to suffer living.

Pretend or not pretend, we have to decide everyday even if we don't pretend no one will notice :) no one ever does :). Living is the problem to everything. We get depression cuz of it and so much. Why can't we just die :)?

My dad died the other day, but I was able to hear his last words: "Son, are you still holding the ladder?"

I was in a toxic relationship. After some time, my girlfriend died. Her name was Happy. Still got no clue of her body, and here I am lying on the bed so fucking happy.

A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."

I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.

One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.

One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"

The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"

His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"

You're so boring that you make war veterans die quicker, and yet they're still on life support.

I put my heart and soul in my report, then my teacher says:

"Hey KIDS were going to repeat making current events about our state til we DIE."

....No wonder when kids leave school they're soulless.

RIP Meh Soul.

What did the beachgoers in North Carolina say when there was a tsunami?

Nothing, they died.

I wasn’t close to my dad when he died. It’s a good thing he stepped on a land mine.

A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks, “What’s so magical about it?” The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.

The bartender shakes his head and says, “Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”

Why did the emo kids stop going to their favorite tree?

It died before them.

Chuck Norris makes the living room the dying room!

Bro, if I die, I want to die blown up by 34 pounds of C4 at a furry convention.

Michael Jackson has done something no one has ever done before. I'm not talking about his record sales or tickets sold.

I'm talking about being born a black man and dying a white woman. Incredible!

Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.

I was at a funeral. I kissed a hot girl I did not know. She was the one that died.

Yo mama so hairy, when the baby came out, the baby died because of carpet burning!