Die jokes
Today, I operated on a little girl. She needed O-negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O-negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “So when will I die?” She thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.
A bus full of nuns die in a car crash and end up at the pearly gates where Saint Peter greets them, "Hello sisters, welcome to heaven. Before you enter, I must ask you all a question." He asks the first nun, "Have you ever touched a penis?" Well, she said, "Just once, with the tip of my little finger." "Ok, dip it in the holy water and you can enter." He repeats the question to the second nun. Well, she says, "I might of held one once." "Ok," says St. Peter, "wash your hands in the holy water and you can enter." Just then, there's a commotion down the line. One nun is trying to push in front of another. St. Peter says, "Sister Susan, there is no rush, you will get in." "That's fine," she replies, "but if I have to gargle that stuff, I want to get in before Sister Mary sticks her arse in it."
Mom died, so I planted mums and forget-me-nots all over her grave site.
The orphans all died!!!
Oh wait, no one cares...
Their parents are all dead anyway. We are just making them happier. They get to join their parents in hell.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Titanic is like our president; it cracks in half and dies.
Dentist: Open up, sir.
Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.
Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.
Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.
Dentist: Do you need help??
Me: Yep.
Dentist: ...
Me: ....
What’s the difference between Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker?
They both died at 95.
What do birds and children have in common?
If you shoot them, they die.
What song did the Titanic victims listen to as they died?
Ice, Ice Baby!!
My Chinese friend died recently, So Yung.
dont make jokes about the accident my dad died in it he was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia :(
My joke is your life support getting unplugged because my phone is about to die.
I wanna die cos I lost my horse on Minecraft.
"Meow, meow, woof, woof." That's what animals say to me when I die.
Why do my kids die?
Stinky Oussy :D
Can some hot depressed suicidal guy give me his number so we can cry about being depressed and wanting to die?
My granddad died in Auschwitz in WW2...
He fell from a tower.
Why did Sally not come home from school today?
Because she died by a flying brick!
Did you know Princess Diana was on the radio the night she died?
To be honest, she was on the whole dashboard too.