"Dad, how do stars die?" -- "Usually an overdose."
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.
I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and i'm not gonna die the same way.
Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher:No you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door,put giraffe in, close door
Student: no! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one? Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No!The giraffe because He's in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student:The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher:She drowned?!
Student: no! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder
When I die can someone play "Best Day Ever" during my funeral?
One night a girl said to her family "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa. the next morning her grandpa died. That night she said "Goodnight mommy, Goodnight daddy, Goodbye Grandma. the next morning the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night the girl said "Goodnight mommy, Goodbye daddy. the next morning the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine but when he went into the kitchen he saw his wife crying. when he asked her whats wrong she said "The Mail Man died".
If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave or does your mortician take it from you?
Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash
Best pilot in Saudi Arabia
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
My cousin died last week he needed a blood transfusion but we didnt know his blood type he just kept saying "b positive b positive" but its hard to be positive with him gone
Never invest in funerals. It's a dying industry.
My aunt's star sign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died. -- She was eaten by a giant crab.
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
where do suicide bombers go when they die? everywhere!
Teacher: Ok class I'm going to ask a question about your family. Alex: Miss my Dad died In 9/11 Teacher: OH NO IM SO SORRY! Alex: Don't worry miss It was only Dad and besides he did what he wanted before he died. Teacher: What was that? Alex: Flew the plane.
My grandfather never threw anything away, bless him. He died in the war holding on to a hand grenade.
I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning.
A depressing but satisfying victory.
A suicide bomber's biggest fear is dying alone
Roses are red, I dont know why, Living is hard, I want to die.
