Die Jokes

"Dad, how do stars die?" -- "Usually an overdose."

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.

I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and i'm not gonna die the same way.

When I die can someone play "Best Day Ever" during my funeral?

If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave or does your mortician take it from you?

where do suicide bombers go when they die? everywhere!

I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning.

A depressing but satisfying victory.

Friends are like penguins.

If you stab a penguin, they die.

I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, what's so sad and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's head before they died". I replied "probably a bullet", she gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is, what do you think is running through their parent's heads", I said " probably all the money their losing from this funeral".

Why did 10 die? -- He was in the middle of 9/11.

I really hate waiting to die..... Its taking a lifetime

You travel to the past into the era where julius caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die? ̈

You reply with: ̈Surrounded by friends ̈

3 construction workers where sitting on the bridge that they where building having their lunch break. The first guy says “If I get a vegimite sandwich again I am going to jump off this bridge.” The second guys says “If get a peanut butter sandwich again I am going to jump off this bridge”. The third guy says if I get another strawberry jam sandwich then I am going to jump off this bridge.” The next day the first guy gets a vegimite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All 3 guys jump of the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals the first wife says “If he just told me I would have given him a different sandwich.” The second guys wife says “It is all my fault. If only I knew.” The third wife says “I don’t get it, he makes his own lunch.”

Francis Pope, Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and a little boy were one a falling airplane. Their were 3 parachutes. Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps off the plane saying, “The world needs my leadership!” Barack Obama grabs a parachute and says, “I need to help make choices for our world”, so he jumps off the plane. At this point, the Pope and the little boy are on the plane. The Pope says to the boy, “take the last parachute, I am too old and I’m going to die soon one day.” The little boy says, “actually their are two, you see, Donald Trump took my backpack.”

On Xbox live an orphan can say they f ed your mom so you can say at least mine didnt die from it.