Demon jokes

What’s the opposite of an exorcism?

It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.

Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.

What does my head and hell have in common?

They both have demons in them.

What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.

What do fat demons hate? Exorcise.

My teacher: If you could go anywhere, where would you go?

Me: Demon Slayer.

My teacher: Why?

The quiet kid: TO GET EATEN BY A DEMON OR BECOME ONE!!!

Satanism is such an ugly word. I prefer the term, "red skin appreciation."

Why do priests play Geometry Dash? Cuz they can beat Demons.

(demons in my head) I laugh to meet them...

What’s a reverse exorcism?

It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.

Have you heard of the new sequel to "The Exorcist"?

A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son.

When the priest said, "Be gone from this boy, demon!" the demon replied, "And you get out of the boy!"

My friend just told me about reverse exorcisms.

In these, the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.

If Satan is the devil, he's pretty sus.

Yo mamma so ugly that even God said, "Be gone, DEMON!"

A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.

Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"

Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"

Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."

Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."

Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"

Demon: "You a smoker?"

Guy: "You better believe it."

Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"

Guy: "Golly."

Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."

Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."

Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."

Guy: "Wow."

Demon: "You like to do drugs?"

Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."

Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"

Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"

Demon: "You gay?"

Guy: "Uh, no."

Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."

Yo mama so ugly, when she go to church they say it's a demon!

A DAY IN THE HAZBIN HOTEL

[The lobby of the Hazbin Hotel. Angel is doing his makeup; Husk is passed out at the bar.]

Alastor: (Appears with a blender and a jar of red liquid) Merely ensuring fresh provisions.

Angel: Margaritas?

Vaggie: (Entering, suspicious) What is that?

Alastor: A certain Sir lost his fizz.

(Alastor turns on the unsecured blender. Red goo sprays everywhere, coating Vaggie, Charlie, and the walls.)

Vaggie: (Screaming, covered) You got Sir Pentious all over my wings!

Charlie: That's not a smoothie!

Angel: (Snapping a photo) Looks like someone’s career just got blended!

Why are Demons dying from Priestwater? The soul from a Priest is completely different.

I made a deal with Satan. I would get a free pass to hell if I serve as a demon lord. So, see you guys at the end of times!