Die jokes
If a baby was born in a car, and the baby died because he got out of the car, so I can say, "Carborn, die outside."
If I'm dying and you ask me what's my type, I will say Karl Jacobs. Then my monitor will start beeping and y'all will get dragged out screaming, "YOUR BLOOD TYPEEEE!"
What do you call it when human vegetables die?
Spoiled food product.
Yo mama so sad that when Alejandra Parma died, she bought 20 Cocomelon Happy Meals from McDonald's and became fat.
When there's a news story of people who have died en masse, for example from explosions and fires.
Other people are all "oh no that's terrible!"
Pfft shut up, lying asshole. Trying to be "nice".
I'm like "YAY EXCITING. I don't like being bored hearing 'good news' all of the time."
A man complains to a slave dealer: "The slave you sold me died!"
"By the gods," replies the dealer, "he never did that when I owned him!"
The cemetery sure is overcrowded today.
I guess people are dying to get in.
Where do terrorists go when they die?
Answer: Everywhere.
Ok, so let me tell y'all the lore. Basically, what happened was there's these mfs called Rhys and a guy named Mobrur. Mobrur is a fish basically from Bangladesh and Israel, so he's just a fish because he's Netanyahu's cousin, and Liam is from Australia; he's just a white piece of crap.
Basically, what happened was they knocked up each other because they were drunk and jumping on Netanyahu's beer belly, and it was all just a mess. Rhys is trying to get child support and half property from Fish, but he won't give it because he is nasty and claiming what isn't his, and he said, "No one likes you." So to summarize it, he killed him and is in jail now.
And there he met Mooha and he turned straight, Alhamdulillah! EVERYONE SAY ALHAMDULILLAH! He became straight, then Mooha got knocked up in prison and the guards beat them and they died.
When people are ready to die for their country:
Trust the Unionist Party.
Better than Reform.
Yo mama is so old, when I told her to act her age, she died.
Oliver Tree just died in a helicopter crash?
He doesn't have to worry about that because, according to him, life goes onionionionionionionionionionion.
History is mostly just a list of things men did while women were busy making sure they didn't die of scurvy.
Some sperm arrive in the uterus and see that the egg is already fertilized. They complain that they lost the race and have nothing to do but die.
One speaks up and says he isn't angry, and the others ask why.
"He thought he was going to be alive," the sperm says. "This chick works at an abortion clinic."
Kobe never died, he just faded away.
You're so boring that you make war veterans die quicker, and yet they're still on life support.
Joseph Rosenbaum died doing what he loved: chasing minors.
I met a kid at the park. He was holding a picture of his parents in his hands. They had died on 9/11.
So, I went to comfort him. I said, "Hey, I lost my grandpa on 9/11. He was great. At flying a plane."
A father tells his 10-year-old son...
"Sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on your cereal every morning and you will have a very long life."
His son followed his father's advice every morning without missing a day until he died at the age of 186, leaving behind 28 children, 67 grandchildren, 148 great-grandchildren, and a 7-foot crater where the crematory used to be.
If being near immortal was a normal thing, I bet wanting to die would've been too.