Death jokes
A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."
How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
More than three because the basement is still dark!
Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?
Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.
I fear my last words will be "hold my beer and watch this."
A pun enters the room and kills ten people.
Pun in, ten dead.
Memes
me dying in cuphead or hollow knight: 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬
I got a phone call from a guy labeled "assassin" saying my life will end soon. I seriously doubt that he w- *gunshot*
Why did Peter Parker take Gwen Stacy to an orthopedist?
Because her neck was killing her.
What do you call suicidal Hitler?
Slitler.
What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits a car's windshield at 100 mph?
Its ass.
Doctor: You'll be at peace soon, sir.
Me: What? Am I dying?
Doctor: No, your wife is.
I respect anyone who devotes their life to charity work.
But I think Paul Walker went a step too far.
NWA: Straight Outta Compton.
Kobe Bryant: Straight Outta the Helicopter.
what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?
I don't bowl.
Why did Paul Walker cross the road?
He wasn’t wearing a seat belt.
Q: Where did Sally go when the bomb went off?
A: Everywhere.
How can you save a depressed person from a tree?
You cut the rope.
An emo girl and a squirrel both fall out of a tree. Who hits the ground first? The squirrel. The rope stops the emo girl.
The mom: "Where did Timmy go after exploring that minefield across the road, honey?"
The dad: "Everywhere."
Doctor: "I'm sorry, but you suffer from a terminal illness and only have 10 to live."
Patient: "What do you mean 10? 10 what? months? weeks?"
Doctor: "9, 8, 7..."
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.