Death jokes
I was gardening and found a chest full of blood... I forgot I was in the cemetery.
Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.
If it’s called the “living room,” why did my grandma die there?
Roses are red, violets are blue, my mom and dad died, next you'll be gone too.
Why does a leaf fall faster than an emo kid? Because the emo hangs itself.
Some people think Bin Laden is dead, but some think he's alive.
He is the Al-Qaeda Elvis.
I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."
What hit the ground first, the feather or the depressed kid?
The feather, the rope was stopping the kid.
So, two kids argued and insulted each other.
KID 1: "Your dad left because he didn't want you, so why don't you kill yourself?"
KID 2: "Well, your dad already killed himself because he didn't want you."
Why was Timmy the only happy person in his family?
Timmy is dead.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
More than three because the basement is still dark!
Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?
Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.
I fear my last words will be "hold my beer and watch this."
A pun enters the room and kills ten people.
Pun in, ten dead.
What do you call suicidal Hitler?
Slitler.
Doctor: You'll be at peace soon, sir.
Me: What? Am I dying?
Doctor: No, your wife is.
What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits a car's windshield at 100 mph?
Its ass.
I got a phone call from a guy labeled "assassin" saying my life will end soon. I seriously doubt that he w- *gunshot*
Why did Peter Parker take Gwen Stacy to an orthopedist?
Because her neck was killing her.