Death jokes
For this orphan, his dad didn't only go and get the milk. His mom did too.
Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.
The biggest inconvenience in 2001, I thought, was my brother. Turns out it was 9/11. I guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was. Aluh aluckbar.
I was gardening and found a chest full of blood... I forgot I was in the cemetery.
I wish I was a dinosaur because all of them are dead.
Why was Timmy the only happy person in his family?
Timmy is dead.
A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."
So, two kids argued and insulted each other.
KID 1: "Your dad left because he didn't want you, so why don't you kill yourself?"
KID 2: "Well, your dad already killed himself because he didn't want you."
I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
What hit the ground first, the feather or the depressed kid?
The feather, the rope was stopping the kid.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
More than three because the basement is still dark!
Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?
Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.
A pun enters the room and kills ten people.
Pun in, ten dead.
I fear my last words will be "hold my beer and watch this."
Why did Paul Walker cross the road?
He wasn’t wearing a seat belt.
Q: Where did Sally go when the bomb went off?
A: Everywhere.
How can you save a depressed person from a tree?
You cut the rope.
What do you call suicidal Hitler?
Slitler.
What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits a car's windshield at 100 mph?
Its ass.
Doctor: You'll be at peace soon, sir.
Me: What? Am I dying?
Doctor: No, your wife is.