Death jokes

A pun enters the room and kills ten people.

Pun in, ten dead.

What do you call suicidal Hitler?

Slitler.

What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits a car's windshield at 100 mph?

Its ass.

Q: What do you call a pigeon that is full of poop that flies in front of a car?

A: A suicide bomber.

Doctor: You'll be at peace soon, sir.

Me: What? Am I dying?

Doctor: No, your wife is.

I got a phone call from a guy labeled "assassin" saying my life will end soon. I seriously doubt that he w- *gunshot*

Why did Peter Parker take Gwen Stacy to an orthopedist?

Because her neck was killing her.

NWA: Straight Outta Compton.

Kobe Bryant: Straight Outta the Helicopter.

I respect anyone who devotes their life to charity work.

But I think Paul Walker went a step too far.

what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?

I don't bowl.

Why did Paul Walker cross the road?

He wasn’t wearing a seat belt.

Q: Where did Sally go when the bomb went off?

A: Everywhere.

How can you save a depressed person from a tree?

You cut the rope.

An emo girl and a squirrel both fall out of a tree. Who hits the ground first? The squirrel. The rope stops the emo girl.

Suicide won't work, I'm already dead inside.

So I was digging in the garden and I found some treasure. I was gonna tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging in the garden.

So you know those people that commit suicide by hanging themselves? I guess they lost Hangman.

What falls to the ground first if an apple and an emo kid fall from a tree?

The apple because the rope caught the emo kid.

When you commit suicide in your house, that's suicide, but when you commit suicide outside, you failed your parkour.

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving. You only need a parachute to go skydiving twice.