Death jokes
Some people think Bin Laden is dead, but some think he's alive.
He is the Al-Qaeda Elvis.
Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff?
Yea, they found her “head and shoulders“ on the backseat of her car.
I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
Why was Timmy the only happy person in his family?
Timmy is dead.
A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."
Damn.
So, two kids argued and insulted each other.
KID 1: "Your dad left because he didn't want you, so why don't you kill yourself?"
KID 2: "Well, your dad already killed himself because he didn't want you."
What hit the ground first, the feather or the depressed kid?
The feather, the rope was stopping the kid.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
More than three because the basement is still dark!
Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?
Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.
I fear my last words will be "hold my beer and watch this."
A pun enters the room and kills ten people.
Pun in, ten dead.
what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?
I don't bowl.
What do you call suicidal Hitler?
Slitler.
Doctor: You'll be at peace soon, sir.
Me: What? Am I dying?
Doctor: No, your wife is.
What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits a car's windshield at 100 mph?
Its ass.
Why did Peter Parker take Gwen Stacy to an orthopedist?
Because her neck was killing her.
NWA: Straight Outta Compton.
Kobe Bryant: Straight Outta the Helicopter.
I got a phone call from a guy labeled "assassin" saying my life will end soon. I seriously doubt that he w- *gunshot*
Q: What do you call a pigeon that is full of poop that flies in front of a car?
A: A suicide bomber.
I respect anyone who devotes their life to charity work.
But I think Paul Walker went a step too far.