Death jokes
If you give a man a match, he is warm for the night, but if you light a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life. :)
Q. What's a necrophiliac's favorite dating site? A. Find a Grave.
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
I will always remember my uncle's last words, "What's the shovel for?"
I always keep anti-fungal spray with me... because I don't want to share my girlfriend with anyone.
Best way to trick your friends:
A brick falls out of a plane.
How do you put an elephant in the fridge? Open the door, put him in, and close the door.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge? Open the door, take the poor elephant out, put the giraffe in, and close the door.
The animal kingdom is throwing a party, all the animals are there except for one, who? The giraffe, because he's still in the fridge.
Sally needs to cross the river that is known to be filled with deadly crocodiles, but she crossed safely, how? Because the crocodiles are at the party, but Sally still dies after crossing the river, how? Because she was hit by the flying brick.
Hey, do you know why America sucks? We have the death penalty.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Not to see his parents.
How to make an orphan die?
Tell them to yell until their folks come home.
Some people think Bin Laden is dead, but some think he's alive.
He is the Al-Qaeda Elvis.
A man is on his deathbed in prison by electric chair.
The man who controls the chair asks for any last words.
The prisoner replies with: “Can you hold my hand?”
In about ten days, Stephen Hawking's wheelchair is going to have its first and last service.
What does it say on Stephen Hawking's headstone?
R. I. P. Roll in Peace.
What do you call a 6 year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
How do you make a plumber cry?
Kill his whole family.
Digging stuff up is too hard.
I guess necrophilia isn’t for everybody.
Why did the murderer invest in condoms? To kill the future buyers!
Why did the orphan like to jump? So they can jump off a bridge to be reunited with their parents.
1 like = 10 more orphans in my basement.
What's red and white and lives in a blender?
A baby.
Stephen Hawking died because he tried downloading a free version of Windows 10.