Death jokes
Life lesson guys:
Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.
I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."
So, two kids argued and insulted each other.
KID 1: "Your dad left because he didn't want you, so why don't you kill yourself?"
KID 2: "Well, your dad already killed himself because he didn't want you."
What hit the ground first, the feather or the depressed kid?
The feather, the rope was stopping the kid.
Why was Timmy the only happy person in his family?
Timmy is dead.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
More than three because the basement is still dark!
Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?
Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.
A pun enters the room and kills ten people.
Pun in, ten dead.
I fear my last words will be "hold my beer and watch this."
What do you call suicidal Hitler?
Slitler.
Doctor: You'll be at peace soon, sir.
Me: What? Am I dying?
Doctor: No, your wife is.
How can you save a depressed person from a tree?
You cut the rope.
Q: What do you call a pigeon that is full of poop that flies in front of a car?
A: A suicide bomber.
What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits a car's windshield at 100 mph?
Its ass.
Why did Peter Parker take Gwen Stacy to an orthopedist?
Because her neck was killing her.
NWA: Straight Outta Compton.
Kobe Bryant: Straight Outta the Helicopter.
I got a phone call from a guy labeled "assassin" saying my life will end soon. I seriously doubt that he w- *gunshot*
I respect anyone who devotes their life to charity work.
But I think Paul Walker went a step too far.
what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?
I don't bowl.