I like my men like I like my Alexa:
By my bed and turned on.
shaylie
I like my men like I like my coffee: black and hot.
There’s going to be a wild party at the orphanage tonight. ... The parents aren’t home.
This is fucked up, my name is Shaylie.
Son: Why is my sister’s name Paris?
Dad: Because we conceived her in Paris.
Son: Thanks, Dad.
Dad: No problem, Quarantine.
I was raised as an only child.
Which really annoyed my twin sister.
Yo mama so dumb, she thought "The Squid Game" was an all-you-can-eat buffet.
Yo mama so stupid, she used a fork to save the milk from the cereal.
one night a father heard his daugter saying good night good night mom god night dad good night mamah good by papa the next day her papa died he heard her saying them a month later good night mom god night dad good by mamah the next day her mamah died well her dad was scared for his life he knew he was next well his daugter said them again good night mom good by dad the next day the mail man droped dead on their porch.
One night, a father heard his daughter saying good night.
"Good night, Mom."
"Good night, Dad."
"Good night, Mamah."
"Good bye, Papa."
The next day her papa died.
He heard her saying them a month later.
"Good night, Mom."
"Good night, Dad."
"Good bye, Mamah."
The next day her mamah died.
Well, her dad was scared for his life. He knew he was next. Well, his daughter said them again.
"Good night, Mom."
"Good bye, Dad."
The next day, the mail man dropped dead on their porch.
Why did Joe Biden go to the hospital? Because he couldn't stop Putin.
I don't see why people say that emo kids don't like to hang out.
I've seen them hanging all day.
How many orphans does it take to change a light bulb?
Obviously more than three because my basement is still dark.
How are apples and orphans different?
Apples get picked.
For orphans, every bag of chips is family sized.
I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately it doesn't have a home page.
My doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15. Problem solved!
You know the phrase "one man's trash is another man's treasure"?
Great phrase, bad way to find out you're adopted!
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers”.
She replies: “Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
Why does a leaf fall faster than an emo kid? Because the emo hangs itself.