Death jokes
The skeleton cancelled the gallery showing of his skull-ptures because his heart just wasn’t in it.
Your mom! Oh wait, you don't have one.
My true hero is the person who killed Hitler.
One time there was a squirrel who died.
It was funny because the squirrel got dead.
Michael Jackson was working on a cover of a popular Elton John song when he died...
His version was to be called "Don't Let Your Son Go Down on Me"...
What happened after George Floyd went to the drugstore to buy Zicam Extreme Congestion Relief?
George Floyd was able to breathe again.
I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... She died of hearing aids.
I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other.
What's stiff and 6 inches long?
SIDS.
What is the difference between 100 dead babies and a Mustang Challenger?
I don't have a Mustang Challenger in my garage.
Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall, his mom did a terri-fried call.
He got hurt in a egg-cident, and it never got eggs-elent.
When the eggs-plant was over, he got told to use the mower.
It happened too fast, he watched the very last.
Next he died, eaten all fried.
Do I like playing Russian Roulette? Gun to the head, I'd have to say no.
What happened when the depressed kid went to give it a high five?
It left him hanging.
How do you prevent a physics teacher from drowning? Shoot her before she touches the water.
If an emo kid and the quiet kid had a fight, the quiet kid would win because the emo kid would cut himself to death.
Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.
So one time, poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.
He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.
It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*
I got LEGOs for Christmas, and my friend got her father's headstone.
What hit the floor first, the kid or the feather?
The feather.
The rope stopped the kid.
During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"