Death jokes

One good thing about lynching during the holidays, free tree ornaments.

What makes an orphan jump?

A bridge.

The flag at NAMBLA headquarters is flying at half mast.

Guy 1: Hey, can you stop making 9/11 jokes? My dad died during it.

Guy 2: Sorry, I will stop. What was your dad?

Guy 1: The pilot. He saw a KFC and wanted it, so, well, you know.

I asked an emo kid if they were jealous because their phone died before them.

I bet emo kids are jealous when their phone dies.

Me: Are you an orphan?

Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?

Me: Your parents.

My grandpa said my generation relies too much on technology.

Then I unplugged his life support. :)

Your mom! Oh wait, you don't have one.

I will always remember my grandma's last words: "What are you doing with that pillow?"

Yo mama so stupid, when her phone dies, she buries it.

How do you bury a prostitute?

In a Y-shaped coffin.

Are you a toaster?

Because I wanna take a bath with you.

Everyone always has a special person in their life someday, but I think yours got ran over by a bus.

What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?

Suicide.

A man is digging in his garden and finds a gold chest. He goes to tell his wife.

Then he remembers why he was digging in the garden...

My grandpa died in 9/11. He crashed a plane.

When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"

A priest asks a convicted murderer on the electric chair, "Do you have any last request?"

"Yes," said the murderer, "Will you hold my hand?"

Why doesn’t Helen Keller go to the optometrist?

Because she’s dead.