Death jokes

Don't do suicide, that shit kills.

My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?

What did Dom Toretto say about the tree Paul Walker hit?

"Family strong, but not that strong."

Are you George Floyd?

Cause you take my breath away! 😮‍💨

What were Michael Jackson's last words? "Take me to the children's hospital."

What's the difference between me and a rope?

The rope doesn't hang from itself.

The last words of a depressive person are: "Yay, Freedom."

Teacher: "Ok class, what animal jumps the highest?"

Kid: "A leopard."

Quiet kid: "No, it's emo kids. Some of them are still in the air."

Kid: "Broooooooooooo."

I will never forget my grandpa's last words: "You still holding the ladder, son?"

Alright kids! Find a good place to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.

Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff?

Yea, they found her “head and shoulders“ on the backseat of her car.

Famous last words of my uncle, (a bomb disposal expert): "yes, the red wire."

If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.

For this orphan, his dad didn't only go and get the milk. His mom did too.

Your mother is so fat, she broke the stairway to heaven when she died. jaja ur momma dead.

Give a man a match, and he's warm for a few minutes. Set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

What do you call a woman who aborted her quadruplets? A graveyard.

I wish I was a dinosaur because all of them are dead.

The biggest inconvenience in 2001, I thought, was my brother. Turns out it was 9/11. I guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was. Aluh aluckbar.

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.