Death jokes

What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?

I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.

If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.

Famous last words of my uncle, (a bomb disposal expert): "yes, the red wire."

Give a man a match, and he's warm for a few minutes. Set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Your mother is so fat, she broke the stairway to heaven when she died. jaja ur momma dead.

How many children can you fit in a box?

Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.

Roses are red, violets are blue, my mom and dad died, next you'll be gone too.

Why does a leaf fall faster than an emo kid? Because the emo hangs itself.

For this orphan, his dad didn't only go and get the milk. His mom did too.

I was gardening and found a chest full of blood... I forgot I was in the cemetery.

I wish I was a dinosaur because all of them are dead.

Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.

The biggest inconvenience in 2001, I thought, was my brother. Turns out it was 9/11. I guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was. Aluh aluckbar.

What do you call a woman who aborted her quadruplets? A graveyard.

If it’s called the “living room,” why did my grandma die there?

I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.

What hit the ground first, the feather or the depressed kid?

The feather, the rope was stopping the kid.

So, two kids argued and insulted each other.

KID 1: "Your dad left because he didn't want you, so why don't you kill yourself?"

KID 2: "Well, your dad already killed himself because he didn't want you."

Why was Timmy the only happy person in his family?

Timmy is dead.

I don't have much motivation for things, that's why I haven't yet killed myself, hehe.