Death jokes
What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?
"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"
I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other.
A mom cow's last words were to the mom cow's son. They were, "You are..." then died. The son thought that he was adopted, but then three years later, the mom cow rose from the dead and said to her son that she was going to say, "You were adorable." Then she died once more. Then two years later, she rose from the dead for the last time to say to her son, "And that's why we adopted you."
What do Spider-Man and suicidal people have in common?
They both hang.
This guy came into my library a year ago and borrowed a book named "How to Commit Suicide." He never returned it.
Stephen only died because his wife tripped over the power cord.
Why did the family move away?
Because they lost their son.
How does the dog dance?
He doesn't... he's dead.
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?
Alphaville - "Forever Young."
What do Stephen Hawking and the Wicked Witch have in common?
If you throw water over them, they both die...
How do you tell when your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
I still remember my grandpa's last words; "Is that loaded?"
Why did Steven Hawkins die?
Because he got a virus.
How did the gay girl die? Homicide.
You know what should give up and stay dead?
Fortnite.
Stephen Hawking didn't die, he just uploaded himself to the 'net...
The other day I took my Grandma to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin. It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
An orphan finds a genie.
Orphan: "My first wish is to be rich."
Genie: "Of course."
Orphan: "My second wish is to be famous."
Genie: "Done."
Orphan: "I wish my parents could come back!"
Genie: "I told you I can't bring people back from the dead!"
A student was peeking in on a 10/10 chick, and the guy was about to nut.
The school shooter patted his back and told him to leave his corpses alone.
Why did Steven Hawking die?
He lost Wi-Fi connection and didn't get the data plan.