Death jokes

Famous last words of my uncle, (a bomb disposal expert): "yes, the red wire."

Give a man a match, and he's warm for a few minutes. Set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Roses are red, violets are blue, my mom and dad died, next you'll be gone too.

Why does a leaf fall faster than an emo kid? Because the emo hangs itself.

For this orphan, his dad didn't only go and get the milk. His mom did too.

I was gardening and found a chest full of blood... I forgot I was in the cemetery.

If it’s called the “living room,” why did my grandma die there?

The biggest inconvenience in 2001, I thought, was my brother. Turns out it was 9/11. I guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was. Aluh aluckbar.

I wish I was a dinosaur because all of them are dead.

Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.

What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?

I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.

I will never forget my grandpa's last words: "You still holding the ladder, son?"

Teacher: "Ok class, what animal jumps the highest?"

Kid: "A leopard."

Quiet kid: "No, it's emo kids. Some of them are still in the air."

Kid: "Broooooooooooo."

What do you call a woman who aborted her quadruplets? A graveyard.

Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff?

Yea, they found her “head and shoulders“ on the backseat of her car.

Alright kids! Find a good place to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.

Some people think Bin Laden is dead, but some think he's alive.

He is the Al-Qaeda Elvis.

What's the difference between me and a rope?

The rope doesn't hang from itself.

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

A suicidal boy went up to a tree and said "hi".

The tree never responded; it left him hanging.