Death jokes

For this orphan, his dad didn't only go and get the milk. His mom did too.

If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.

Roses are red, violets are blue, my mom and dad died, next you'll be gone too.

Why does a leaf fall faster than an emo kid? Because the emo hangs itself.

Your mother is so fat, she broke the stairway to heaven when she died. jaja ur momma dead.

Famous last words of my uncle, (a bomb disposal expert): "yes, the red wire."

Give a man a match, and he's warm for a few minutes. Set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Don't do suicide, that shit kills.

What did Dom Toretto say about the tree Paul Walker hit?

"Family strong, but not that strong."

My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?

So, two kids argued and insulted each other.

KID 1: "Your dad left because he didn't want you, so why don't you kill yourself?"

KID 2: "Well, your dad already killed himself because he didn't want you."

What hit the ground first, the feather or the depressed kid?

The feather, the rope was stopping the kid.

I don't have much motivation for things, that's why I haven't yet killed myself, hehe.

A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."

Why was Timmy the only happy person in his family?

Timmy is dead.

Me: Cobain!

Friend: No, dude, it's Kobe.

Me: Why? Cobain didn't miss his last shot.

I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.

How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

More than three because the basement is still dark!

Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?

Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.

I fear my last words will be "hold my beer and watch this."