Death jokes

For this orphan, his dad didn't only go and get the milk. His mom did too.

Roses are red, violets are blue, my mom and dad died, next you'll be gone too.

Why does a leaf fall faster than an emo kid? Because the emo hangs itself.

What were Michael Jackson's last words? "Take me to the children's hospital."

What's the difference between me and a rope?

The rope doesn't hang from itself.

Are you George Floyd?

Cause you take my breath away! 😮‍💨

What did Dom Toretto say about the tree Paul Walker hit?

"Family strong, but not that strong."

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff?

Yea, they found her “head and shoulders“ on the backseat of her car.

Alright kids! Find a good place to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.

Don't do suicide, that shit kills.

Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?

A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.

I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.

What hit the ground first, the feather or the depressed kid?

The feather, the rope was stopping the kid.

Why was Timmy the only happy person in his family?

Timmy is dead.

So, two kids argued and insulted each other.

KID 1: "Your dad left because he didn't want you, so why don't you kill yourself?"

KID 2: "Well, your dad already killed himself because he didn't want you."

A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."

How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

More than three because the basement is still dark!

Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?

Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.

I fear my last words will be "hold my beer and watch this."