So sad when the emo kid tried to give a high five to a tree
To bad he left him hanging
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, except at a funeral.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
Whats the worst thing to say at a funeral? "Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?” He responded with, “The cat is dead.” She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the new slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?” “She’s playing on the roof.”
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, what's so sad and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's head before they died". I replied "probably a bullet", she gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is, what do you think is running through their parent's heads", I said " probably all the money their losing from this funeral".
A cemetery should be built next to orphanages, so the orphans can see their parents.
My grief counsellor died today. He did such a great job. I don't even care
My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.
I was crying at school telling my friends my grandpa died, And they asked me what his last words were. His last words were "Are you still holding the ladder?"
My dad died the other day but, i was able to hear his last words"son are you still holding the ladder"
my friend died from an allergic reaction.he gave me an EpiPen while he was dying so now i have something to remember him from.
A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.
On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.
The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day you could have said that she died from complications."
The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down ..."
Why did the family get mad at the boy for eating at the funeral?
While trying to season his food, he mistook his cremated grandfather for salt.
"I hate when people make 911 jokes because my grandfather died during the twin tower attacks, he was the best pilot in saudi arabia"
My grief counsellor died just the other day.
He was so good though, I didn't care.
Don’t cry when you attend my funeral, I was dead long ago so why cry now?
I got an xbox achievement the other day. It said trash master, and everyone looked at me at the funeral
One day at school I made fun of a girl who lost her hair from cancer, and my parents made me shave my head.
The next day at school I made fun of an orphan.
A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral. This friend asks his wife "Can I say a word?" "Of course" she says. The man stands up and says "Plethora" The man's wife says "Thanks, it means a lot"
