Death jokes

Why did Paul Walker cross the road?

He wasn’t wearing a seat belt.

Q: Where did Sally go when the bomb went off?

A: Everywhere.

What does a cop say when you shoot a ginger?

I guess orange is the new black.

An emo girl and a squirrel both fall out of a tree. Who hits the ground first? The squirrel. The rope stops the emo girl.

Doctor: "I'm sorry, but you suffer from a terminal illness and only have 10 to live."

Patient: "What do you mean 10? 10 what? months? weeks?"

Doctor: "9, 8, 7..."

The mom: "Where did Timmy go after exploring that minefield across the road, honey?"

The dad: "Everywhere."

What falls to the ground first if an apple and an emo kid fall from a tree?

The apple because the rope caught the emo kid.

So you know those people that commit suicide by hanging themselves? I guess they lost Hangman.

So I was digging in the garden and I found some treasure. I was gonna tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging in the garden.

When you're driving past a graveyard say: "Wow, people were just dying to get in there."

How many dead babies does it take to put in a new light bulb? Not thirteen, cuz my basement is still dark. Let's try fourteen.

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving. You only need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

Suicide won't work, I'm already dead inside.

When you commit suicide in your house, that's suicide, but when you commit suicide outside, you failed your parkour.

Me and my grandpa went on a road trip, and he died. That was the last thing we did together, and I will never forget his last words: “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS!”

God, I miss Stephen Hawking.

He was brainier than Kurt Cobain's ceiling.

Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance party? Because he had NOBODY to dance with.

What do you call a zombie?

Nothing because zombies aren’t real, and if they were, you would be dead.

I would like to die like my Islamic father, in his sleep, but not like the rest of the people in the plane or those in those identical towers.

Why did Susie fall off the swing?

She had no arms.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not Susie.