Loss

Loss Jokes

Restaurant

If someone calls you, just say:

"This is Peter's abortion clinic and pizza restaurant, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!"

  • 4
  • Blood Type

    My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.

  • 8
  • Blood Type

    My cousin died last week. He needed a blood transfusion, but we didn't know his blood type. He just kept saying, "B positive, B positive," but it's hard to be positive with him gone.

    Dog

    My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.

    It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"

    Orphan

    One day, I saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" I said, "His parents."

    Friend

    I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning.

    A depressing but satisfying victory.

    Orphan

    What do blind kids and orphans have in common? Neither of them can see their parents.

    Orphan

    I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn't have a homepage.

    Orphan

    New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."

    Students: "OOF!"

    Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"

    Students: "Your parents!"

    Murder

    After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years.

    But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!

    Dinosaur

    Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got to see either of them, and they are now extinct.

  • 3
  • Orphan

    Why do orphans go to church? Because they can finally call someone "father."

    Orphan

    How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell him to clap until his parents come home.

    Orphan

    "Come on, man, give the orphans a break with these jokes."

    "No, not until their parents pick them up."

  • 9
  • Death

    Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us?

    Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road?

    Son: Why?

    Dad: To get to the other side, but your mother only made it about halfway.