If someone calls you, just say:
"This is Peter's abortion clinic and pizza restaurant, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!"
What do blind kids and orphans have in common? Neither of them can see their parents.
Where did Suzy go after getting lost on a minefield?
"Everywhere."
My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.
Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball? Because no one misses them.
My cousin died last week. He needed a blood transfusion, but we didn't know his blood type. He just kept saying, "B positive, B positive," but it's hard to be positive with him gone.
Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they actually come back.
I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn't have a homepage.
New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."
Students: "OOF!"
Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"
Students: "Your parents!"
After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years.
But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!
What type of cookie has an orphan never had? Homemade cookies.
Why do orphans go to church? Because they can finally call someone "father."
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.
It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got to see either of them, and they are now extinct.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell him to clap until his parents come home.
One day, I saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" I said, "His parents."
Mama Mia's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is our sauce.
I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning.
A depressing but satisfying victory.
"Come on, man, give the orphans a break with these jokes."
"No, not until their parents pick them up."
Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us?
Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Son: Why?
Dad: To get to the other side, but your mother only made it about halfway.
