Death jokes

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

Because his wife changed the WiFi password, because he was having an affair with his shoulder.

Did you hear about the pervert who couldn't decide whether he was into incest or necrophilia?

He killed his mom and then fucked her.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"

I was going to charge my phone, so I pulled a plug and put it in. Then, my grandpa wasn't breathing anymore.

What happened to the chicken when he crossed the road? He didn't. He got run over by a truck.

What’s a 9/11 victim’s least favorite song?

Drowning Pool - Bodies.

How do you know when you're near Wacko Jacko's grave? When 'Thriller' is out and about.

Why is it so hard to find people defending suicide in any discussion?

Because they are really committed to their cause.

If a pregnant emo kills herself, is it murder-suicide?

“Life is going swimmingly,”

“Tell that to Whitney Houston.”

What's red and spins really fast?

Kurt Cobain's ceiling fan.

What did Kobe say to the helicopter?

"Don't crash!"

Kobe: "Don't crash!"

Helicopter: *Crashes*

I thought about making a necrophilia joke, but I knew it would be a DOA.

My dad died on 9/11. He was a great pilot.

Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500m of a school zone?

Because he's dead.

Who’s stronger in a relationship, a man or a woman? A woman, because it takes six men to carry him to his grave; it only takes one woman to put him there.

Why can't you kill a hooker?

Because they're dead inside anyway.

If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?

Q. What's a necrophiliac's favorite dating site? A. Find a Grave.