Death jokes
I thought about making a necrophilia joke, but I knew it would be a DOA.
My dad died on 9/11. He was a great pilot.
Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500m of a school zone?
Because he's dead.
Who’s stronger in a relationship, a man or a woman? A woman, because it takes six men to carry him to his grave; it only takes one woman to put him there.
Why can't you kill a hooker?
Because they're dead inside anyway.
If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?
Q. What's a necrophiliac's favorite dating site? A. Find a Grave.
If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?
My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."
Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.
Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.
Why can't Juice WRLD hit rock bottom?
Because he's too high.
I bought a coffin on Black Friday. It was a killer deal.
Rip Juice WRLD.
I started a company making coffins. The slogan? 'We're dying to meet you.'
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
Why do old people swallow popcorn kernels?
To make their cremation more entertaining when they die.
What did John Jay Smith say about Michael Joseph Jackson's death? NOTHING.
Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?
A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.
When did Michael say, "This is it"?
2009.
A little boy enters Michael Joseph Jackson's house with a doll, and Michael looks angrily at the boy. But the little boy says something that makes Michael jealous: "The girl is mine." Michael cries and asks the boy to leave. A child is saved, and more are, thanks to Conrad Murray and June 25th, dead pedophile day.