Death

Death jokes

Emo

If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?

Girlfriend

My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."

Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.

Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.

Alabama

Why can't Juice WRLD hit rock bottom?

Because he's too high.

Alabama

Rip Juice WRLD.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

Why do old people swallow popcorn kernels?

To make their cremation more entertaining when they die.

Michael Jackson

What did John Jay Smith say about Michael Joseph Jackson's death? NOTHING.

Morbid jokes

Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?

A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.

Michael Jackson

When did Michael say, "This is it"?

2009.

Michael Jackson

A little boy enters Michael Joseph Jackson's house with a doll, and Michael looks angrily at the boy. But the little boy says something that makes Michael jealous: "The girl is mine." Michael cries and asks the boy to leave. A child is saved, and more are, thanks to Conrad Murray and June 25th, dead pedophile day.

Suicide

How do pigs kill themselves?

They commit Kermit-cide.

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

How can you tell if your husband is dead?

The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.