Death jokes
It's okay if you miss while saying "Kobe" because he didn't make it either.
What do you call a kid with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
What kind of punch takes out 20 children and 8 adults? A Sandy Hook.
A man is on his death sentence, and he gets to choose his last meal.
He asks his guard for a McDonald's Ice Cream, and lives a very long life. They never found a working machine.
Why is Hitler a better person than Jeffrey Epstein?
At least Hitler killed himself.
What do Christmas lights and Jeffrey Epstein have in common?
They don’t hang themselves.
Who was most surprised by Jeffrey Epstein's suicide?
Jeffrey Epstein.
How do you make a baby survive a fall of over 300 metres?
I don't know. I've dropped dozens off the Empire State Building and none have lived.
If the US ate chicken, it would die.
My doctor gave me 1 year. So I shot him.
The judge gave me fifteen. Problem solved!
I keep hearing "Obesity kills."
My only question is "Why is it taking so long?"
My uncle died from falling off a ladder and landing on his head (true story).
All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put my uncle together again.
Someone prank calls a general. The general hangs up and goes, "Kids these days have no respect for their elders. That's why I send them all to die."
What's an emo's favorite type of necklace? The kind that attaches to a ceiling beam.
What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?
Your job still sucks!
I started crying when my dad cut up onions.
Onions was such a good hamster.
Why did Sally not come home from school today?
Because she died by a flying brick!
In 9/11, people were dying for the pizza. But it was at the bottom, so they had to die for it literally.
Who are the fastest readers ever? 9/11 victims, they went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.
Q. What's Terri Schiavo's favorite movie?
A. The Purge.