Q. Why couldn't Terri Schiavo give good blow jobs?
A. She didn't know how to swallow.
My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened
I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazi's and leave his death out of the discussion.
I should probably stop making abortion jokes.
After all, the aborted babies aren't laughing.
When I was a kid, I knew a woman named Betty Pears.
She died a horrible death from Alzheimer's.
I thought a pear was a fruit, not a vegetable!
Why did the suicidal person cross the road? He was waiting for a car.
I'd tell a Luigi joke, but it would fall flat faster than the line on his victim's heart monitor.
I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.
I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.
Why did the suicide bomber get promoted?
Because he was blowing up at work. 💀😈
POV: Your grandma is on life support. I would unplug her life support to charge my third phone.
Kurt Cobain didn't mean to kill himself. He was just so high he thought the shotgun was a bong.
His lyrics are so ironic but so true. "I'm not coming back". "I swear I don't have a gun."
How do you get a smoking hot body as a senior?
Cremation.
If a baby dies in the womb, is it considered suicide?
What’s the difference between an Indian and Jewish person?
An Indian person is burnt after death.
What's the difference between me and my mate...
I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.
Shia Mehdi unlived by beard guy looooool 🤨
Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?
He gets to tear that ass up one more time.
What do you do after fucking the loosest pussy ever?
Close the casket.
Why didn't the child go to school?
Because he died of a heroin overdose.
What instrument do skeletons play?
The Trombone!
It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.
