Death jokes

R.I.P. on a tombstone normally means "Rest In Peace"; however, in Madeleine McCann's case, it means "Raped In Portugal".

Why did the suicidal person cross the road?

To slow down traffic!

I thought about learning skydiving without having to afford gear. But the highest place I got is my apartment window.

An electrician walks into a green house. He sees a red room. He wonders why it's red because Kurt Cobain and his shotgun were sitting there.

What does Kurt have in common with painters?

They paint walls.

What's bigger than Kurt Cobain's head?

What do you mean? He doesn't have one.

Q: What's the difference between Jeffrey Epstein and wind chimes?

A: Wind chimes don't make a gurgling sound when they're hung.

Nechen has been writing articles for the class for years.

Then the Guru asked him, "If I die now, what will be on my grave?" Fritchen searched for the plastic bag and shouted, "This is a protective bag!!"

It's okay if you miss while saying "Kobe" because he didn't make it either.

What do you call a kid with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor.

What kind of punch takes out 20 children and 8 adults? A Sandy Hook.

A man is on his death sentence, and he gets to choose his last meal.

He asks his guard for a McDonald's Ice Cream, and lives a very long life. They never found a working machine.

Why is Hitler a better person than Jeffrey Epstein?

At least Hitler killed himself.

What do Christmas lights and Jeffrey Epstein have in common?

They don’t hang themselves.

Who was most surprised by Jeffrey Epstein's suicide?

Jeffrey Epstein.

How do you make a baby survive a fall of over 300 metres?

I don't know. I've dropped dozens off the Empire State Building and none have lived.

If the US ate chicken, it would die.

My doctor gave me 1 year. So I shot him.

The judge gave me fifteen. Problem solved!

I keep hearing "Obesity kills."

My only question is "Why is it taking so long?"

My uncle died from falling off a ladder and landing on his head (true story).

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put my uncle together again.