Room

Room Jokes

Kid

What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.

  • 0
  • Condom

    "Son, I found a condom in your room."

    "Gee, thanks, Grandpa!"

    "Why are you calling me Grandpa?"

    "Because I couldn't find it yesterday."

  • 2
  • Citizen

    Three citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI. Their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot her. He walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario. He put the gun up, but couldn't pull the trigger, so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario. He walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."

    Nightmare

    I had a horrible nightmare yesterday. I was in a room filled with all of my ex's, so I was completely alone.

  • 3
  • Little Johnny

    Little Johnny was playing with his train and said, "All you motherf*ckers who want to get off, get off, and all you motherf*ckers who want to get on, get on." His mother hears him and asks, "Is that you cussing?" The mother said, "Go to your room for 1 hour." Little Johnny goes to his room, then comes back one hour later and said, "All you motherf*ckers who wanna get off, get off, and all you motherf*ckers who wanna get on, get on, and if you wanna know about the 1 hour delay, go ask the b*tch in the kitchen."

    Blonde

    A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says, "Okay, I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts." So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says, "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says, "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop.

    The doctor says, "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me?" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."

  • 4
  • Bank robbery

    Me: Do you ever just walk into a room and forget what you were doing?

    Bank teller: [eyes wide] Uhhhhh...

    Me: *scratches head with gun* Man, I hate it when this happens.

    Basement

    What’s the difference between jail and my basement?

    Some people are let out of jail.

    Nun

    A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off."

    Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

    However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

    She walked up to the bartender and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"

    The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."

    "Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun.

    So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

    After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause!

    She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

    "Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"

    "No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

    "You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out."

    Now, how about that drink?

    Egg

    My wife went to make a cake. The recipe said, "Separate two eggs," so she put one egg in the living room.

    Teacher

    Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up. Class: *no one stands up* Teacher: Oh c'mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *waves her finger around the left side of the room* Little Johnny: *stands up* Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you're dumb? Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you're standing alone.

    Sibling

    As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers.

    Roblox girlfriend

    One time, I broke up with my Roblox girlfriend by sending her a message. Thirty seconds later, I heard my uncle crying in the next room.

    Mom

    My mom told me it's not healthy to stay in my room all day... but the only places I'm allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.

  • 7
  • Nun

    Three nuns are talking, and the first nun says, "You would never believe what I discovered." Intrigued, the others signal her to continue. "I found a phone in the priest's room," said the first nun. "Oh, that's nothing," said the second one. "I found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. "What did you do with them?" said the first nun. Pridefully, the second nun responds with, "I poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "Oh sh*t...."

    Heart

    Man: What's up?

    Me: I'm annoyed.

    Man: Why?

    Me: I stole my gf's heart.

    Man: So why are you annoyed?

    Me: Everyone else in the surgery room gave me weird looks.

  • 2
  • Disease

    A woman walks into a doctor's office. She schedules an appointment and sits down in the waiting room. When it's her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they're unlike anything he's heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, "Well, I have good news and bad news." The woman says, "I'll hear the good news first please." The doctor replies, "The good news is we're naming a disease after you!"