A man was walking home but felt tired so took a short cut through the cemetery. He then heard a tap tap then out of the corner of his eye he saw a man with a hammer hitting the tombstone the man said "you scared me I thought you were a ghost" the other person mumbled "they spelt my name wrong"
Never invest in funerals. It's a dying industry.
Kid: But, Mom, I don't want to see Grandma.
Mom: Shut up and keep digging.
A cemetery should be built next to orphanages, so the orphans can see their parents.
I don't understand why in horror movies they make digging a grave look so easy, It usually takes me days
A man gets on a bus and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.
"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."
The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.
"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.
"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"
"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"
The cemetery is so overcrowded.
People are just dying to get in.
Why did the family get mad at the boy for eating at the funeral?
While trying to season his food, he mistook his cremated grandfather for salt.
So I went to my friends funeral today, As we were all leaving a kid put a get well soon card next to my friends grave ‘poor kid’
Why do cemeteries have fences around them? People are dying to get in.
There was an air crash of a Boeing 737 - 800 which can carry around 300 passengers...
It crashed in a cemetery
They recovered 500 bodies
Where does the orphan go when he's done with school? To the cemetery.
The other day I took my Grandma to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
The cemetery is so crowded, people are just dying to get in.
sometimes i get jealous when i see a gravestone
What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.
I was gardening and found a chest full of blood... i forgot i was in the cemetery
Why is the graveyard so noisy...
Because of all the coffin :)
- cemeteries are so popular! People are like...dying to get there
Did you hear about the cemetery? I heard that people are dying to be there
