Crime jokes

My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.

If a dog is white with black spots, then it is 90% great and 10% guilty because it half way starts crimes and is a mistake to the world and is punished by the white dogs that are full white and not mixed colors.

"When I was in jail, my girlfriend abandoned me. I created a fascination with becoming a gynecologist. When I got bailed out, I became a Travis Bickle."

Did you hear about the Syrian guy that shot a bunch of people? He was Robert Kurd.

My brother tried to hit this guy with a plane and but hit the Twin Towers.

NEWS: A man kidnapped a 13-year-old girl.

MOM OF GIRL: The man had a shady face and a receding hairline.

"Daveon, stop screaming for help because I broke your kneecaps!"

What's a pedo's favorite snack?

Sour Patch Kids.

Police: Hey man, look at this! *throws cocaine at fan and it flew back into his face* Me: Are you okay? Police: Looks like I "crack"ed the case.

Why was 6 scared of 7? Because 7 was a registered *sex* offender.

What did one detective say to the other detective?

"Disguise is lookin' suspicious."

Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?

A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.

I learned that a strangler was targeting me.

All I could think was, "You’ve got to be choking me!"

They laughed at my crayon drawing.

So I laughed at their chalk outline.

If the shoe doesn't fit, there's no evidence.

What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?

Oh wait, I am because she's 10.

"Ya tryna run? Hop in the van."

Man yelling at mailman realizes he's opening the mailbox.

Mailman: "There's a pipe bomb in your mailbox..."

October 1, 2017 is when the Mandalay Bay became the Mandalay spray. Thank Steve for that.

Why do egos like robbing banks?

They get a cut.