Crime jokes
How did black people learn to steal sports cars?
By playing GTA nonstop.
I threw a kid in a wheelchair into a fire... I called him hot wheels.
If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.
Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.
Why did Jack throw his alarm clock out the window?
Because it reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man who was accused of knife-raping his wife.
I like my women how I like my wine: 12 years old and locked in a cellar.
My friend told me to beat that pussy up... so why is the local animal control at my door?
Me going to jail for telling the orphan he has 363 days because mothers and Father’s Day.
Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.
The emo kid's mom went to jail because the kid was hung.
A priest, a pedo, and a rapist walk into a bar and that's just the first guy.
A blind guy shot up a town.
I guess he couldn’t see the road to heaven.
I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."
(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)
Urban areas are filled with terrorists, feminists, liberals, and murderers. Which one is not like the others? Murderers because they don't pretend to have a cause.
What’s the difference between a police man and a bullet?
At least when a bullet kills someone, it’s actually fired.
If you think Tracy Latimer's murder was in any way justified, put on your helmet 'cause you're about to miss the short bus.
A friend of mine told me something that I cannot forget, and I am now traumatized to hell. The next day a kid was set for an amber alert that looked exactly like my DEAR friend! :)
The kid with a gun walked into my classroom and fucking shot the teacher.
He pointed the gun at me and asked, "What's 2+2?" I answer him and he writes the answer down on his test. He did this with every kid. He got a 100%, expelled, and a lifetime in prison. Hey, at least he gets free food.
If I were a judge and gave you a sentence, I would sentence you to life for your looks.
Why is Jeffrey Epstein so bad at races?
Because he comes in a little behind.
My brother tried to hit this guy with a plane and but hit the Twin Towers.