Crime jokes

What's the difference between a wanted person and a wanted handicapped person? The handicapped person wasn’t last seen on foot.

I've been looking for my parents for years.

For the life of me, I can't remember where I hid their bodies.

Why did the orphan rob a bank?

For he can be wanted.

"Terrorist, that’s a little strong. We call them private militaries."

Mommy, mommy! Are we bank robbers?

Shut up and pass me the note.

Why did the ducks go to jail?

They sold quack.

"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"

Why was the belt arrested?

It held up a pair of pants.

What's the difference between when I opened the window in a car wash and when Kawhi Leonard did it? At least my dad didn't get shot in the eye.

What does a beaten woman do when she comes home from the hospital?

Dishes if she knows what's good for her health.

A cartoonist was found dead in his home.

The details are SKETCHY! :)

I like to commit arson as a recreational activity, you?

A kid decided to burn his house down.

His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."

Luca’s Mom and Dad be throwing the kids into the fountain in the city, but they're sea monsters, so if they went to jail for that, they would be on death row anyway. 🤣

Why did McDonald’s kill somebody because they stole the 12-piece nuggets that will never be seen because of them!

I ate a man because he was dead!

What 16 stoner rode a Derby winner?

Lester Piggott's cellmate.

Why did the bounty hunter not cash in an orphan?

He was not worth keeping.

Why did the judge dismiss court when the orphan walked in?

Even a gay prison wouldn't want him.

Me walking away after committing murder in a school with my trusty “friend”.