Crime jokes

Vince Li doesn't eat comedians. He says they taste funny.

The USA has school shootings. We Canadians have bus beheadings.

What do you call a Japanese car thief?

Tommy took a motor.

Smoking a fag in Britain: 🚬

Smoking a fag in America: hate crime.

Why was 6 scared of 7? Because 7 was a registered *sex* offender.

Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?

A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.

I learned that a strangler was targeting me.

All I could think was, "You’ve got to be choking me!"

What did one detective say to the other detective?

"Disguise is lookin' suspicious."

Osama Bin Laden thrown in ocean!

People who helped with the Twin Towers destruction: ...

So, one day Kylin Banks was playing football. Then he saw Violet. After he saw her, he got bricked up. Then he ran after her and rubbed his pickle all over her. She was so happy.

Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?

Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!

There once was a man who beat his wife, And before he even knew it, he ended her life. His hands were a mess, all red and bloody, He had to find somewhere to hide the body.

An orphan can’t ever play Grand Theft Auto V because he can’t get a wanted level.

If you combine math and meth, you will become Einstein White.

What does a terrorist do when they see a twin?

They fly a plane at them.

Ever wondered why Usain Bolt runs fast? He's training to outrun the cops.

Osama bin Laden

Got like 2,997 kills, damn, that's a new record!

Below I meant to say I set the gay person on fire.

"This is the dude who assassinated JFK."

"If you got a question, just shoot!"

Why do egos like robbing banks?

They get a cut.