Crime jokes
How do you get away with rape and incest in California?
Say you identify as a woman. Fact: It's actually legal to rape your daughter if you are a woman in California.
How many dead strippers does it take to change a light?
At least 13 because my basement is still dark.
What does Sonic say when he's bored?
Punch an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?
Will: Let's bring Hannibal a gift today!
Beverly: Yeah, I bet he’d love that!
Will: Yey!
Beverly: What should we bring him?
Will: *holds up a bucket and knife with an insane looking smile* Come in the bucket!
Do you know the best thing about killing a hooker?
Not only do you get your money back, but the second hour is free.
Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.
Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.
If she refuses to suck and threatens to bite, just knock her teeth out. Call it the “Bloody Gummer”.
How did we know Princess Diana had dandruff?
'Cause the police found her Head and Shoulders on the dash.
A woman ran into a police station screaming, "Help, I have been graped!" The policeman said, "Do you mean raped?" The woman said, "No, there was a bunch of them!"
I have been charged, because I roasted a kid at a barbeque.
What does a pirate say to the president?? Spread your legs so I can get my treasure back.
Why is the Catholic church in favor of condoms now?
It's now getting harder to hide DNA evidence.
How do you make a body disappear?
You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!
P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.
People often ask me what I would do for a Klondike bar. Well, I'd straight up put 5 hijackers on Flight 175 before it departed from Logan Airport at 8:14 a.m. on September 11, 2001.
People say rape is bad. It is because I don't want STD and HIV.
Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.
The creator's son tried that!
(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)
1, 2, I have a gun.
3, 4, I am in a school.
5, 6, Everyone on the ground!
What do you call an alligator detective??
An investi-gator.
Why did the woman get raped in the ass?
She assed for it.
A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar.
He orders a beer.