Crime jokes

Why was the belt arrested?

It held up a pair of pants.

What's the difference between when I opened the window in a car wash and when Kawhi Leonard did it? At least my dad didn't get shot in the eye.

I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"

One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!

What is one good thing about child molesters?

They drive slow past schools.

What does a beaten woman do when she comes home from the hospital?

Dishes if she knows what's good for her health.

A cartoonist was found dead in his home.

The details are SKETCHY! :)

What's the difference between a wanted person and a wanted handicapped person? The handicapped person wasn’t last seen on foot.

I've been looking for my parents for years.

For the life of me, I can't remember where I hid their bodies.

Why did the orphan rob a bank?

For he can be wanted.

I like to commit arson as a recreational activity, you?

"Terrorist, that’s a little strong. We call them private militaries."

A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."

The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"

The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."

Shout out to the terrorists, your year is starting off with a bang!

Why do orphans have no parents?

Because it was Batman!

Are you a school? 'Cause I wanna shoot kids in you.

I don’t know why I’m in jail. So, basically, I was at a gun range, and we were supposed to hit the targets, even though I hit it.

Why do orphans rob the bank?

Because they want to be wanted.

What am I gonna do on the 5th anniversary of the Parkland shooting?

Shoot a load in you just like I shot those kids ;)

What's with all the orphan jokes? Kinda sus. #fbi