Crime jokes

Me and my friend have a friend that's in a wheelchair, but he is so annoying, so we throw him in a fire. Now we call him "Hot Wheels."

Are you a school? 'Cause I wanna shoot kids in you.

I don’t know why I’m in jail. So, basically, I was at a gun range, and we were supposed to hit the targets, even though I hit it.

What's with all the orphan jokes? Kinda sus. #fbi

I’m gonna put my AR 15 up your fucking ass and pull the trigger!

What do you call an IT teacher that touches his students?

A PDF file.

I am armed with an automatic 4-OXD 22. caliber machine gun. HANDS IN THE AIR!

I threw a kid in a wheelchair into a fire... I called him hot wheels.

One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!

Kid at Wish: I wish I could be Batman.

Doctor: Okay, shoots mum and dad. Doctor: I guess now you’ll have to be gay, you wanted to be like Batman.

A kid decided to burn his house down.

His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."

I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"

What is one good thing about child molesters?

They drive slow past schools.

I ate a man because he was dead!

Mommy, mommy! Are we bank robbers?

Shut up and pass me the note.

What 16 stoner rode a Derby winner?

Lester Piggott's cellmate.

Why did the ducks go to jail?

They sold quack.

"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"

Why did the bounty hunter not cash in an orphan?

He was not worth keeping.

Why was the belt arrested?

It held up a pair of pants.