Crime

Crime jokes

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Why is the Catholic church in favor of condoms now?

It's now getting harder to hide DNA evidence.

Woman gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

Lady: "No, officer."

Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"

Lady: "Just water, officer."

Cop: "Looks like wine to me."

Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"

When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"

He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"

I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.

I've been looking for my parents for years. For the life of me, I can't remember where I buried them.

I've been looking for my parents for years.

For the life of me, I can't remember where I hid their bodies.

What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and the kid I kidnapped?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

As a murderer, I stabbed a man after infiltrating his house. His wife came in and saw me. She fell into tears. I got up and said, "Drama queen!"

I was trying to tell some people here to stop, but then I found out that the S was covered in blood from me assaulting someone.

I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight. One recess we met together on the playground, and she brought me to the corner of the playground. That was my first kiss, and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police, and they arrested my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson.

What's the difference between a wanted person and a wanted handicapped person? The handicapped person wasn’t last seen on foot.

What's the difference between the woods and a hooker?

Some hookers have passions for nature. Other hookers will Kill ThEIR Tricks for payback!!!!!!

How it be when the new guy takes too long...

Hay Danny, it's me Johnny.

Johnny: Boss says to kill the guy in red. Point the gun at his head.

Danny: Ok, target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang.

Johnny: Danny, hope you did not get the man in red.

Danny: OH MY BRO FOR REALL.

When I was a little boy, I had this dream. I was eating a giant marshmallow.

When I woke, I was being sexually abused.