Crime jokes
I got caught fucking a dead body by my family. RIP grandma.
What’s the worst thing about being a pedophile?
Fitting it in.
Why did the orphan rob a bank?
For he can be wanted.
What can you say to make a rape victim feel better?
"It will be over soon."
What is the difference between an orphan and a bandit?
One's wanted.
I saw a robbery at the Apple store.
Am I an iWitness?
What's the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and an Emo?
They're both gay and use knives.
What does an Emo kid and Ted Bundy have in common?
They're both gay and use knives.
What day is international terrorist day?
September 11th, 2001.
Why is the Catholic church in favor of condoms now?
It's now getting harder to hide DNA evidence.
Woman gets pulled over by a cop.
Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"
Lady: "No, officer."
Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"
Lady: "Just water, officer."
Cop: "Looks like wine to me."
Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"
When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"
He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"
I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.
I've been looking for my parents for years. For the life of me, I can't remember where I buried them.
I've been looking for my parents for years.
For the life of me, I can't remember where I hid their bodies.
Why can't orphans get five stars in GTA? Because they weren't wanted.
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and the kid I kidnapped?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
As a murderer, I stabbed a man after infiltrating his house. His wife came in and saw me. She fell into tears. I got up and said, "Drama queen!"
I was trying to tell some people here to stop, but then I found out that the S was covered in blood from me assaulting someone.
I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight. One recess we met together on the playground, and she brought me to the corner of the playground. That was my first kiss, and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police, and they arrested my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson.
What's the difference between a wanted person and a wanted handicapped person? The handicapped person wasn’t last seen on foot.