Poor jokes

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory, and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work.

Paddy agrees to tell Seamus' wife the bad news. He knocks on the door, and Seamus' wife answers. "What's happened, Paddy?" Paddy frowns. "I'm sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, I'm so sorry." She started to cry and asked Paddy: "Did he at least die quickly?" Seamus shook his head, "No, he got out 3 times for a pee."

Yo mama so poor, the ducks throw bread at her.

A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”

He responded with, “The cat is dead.”

She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you have broken the news slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing's dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?”

“She’s playing on the roof.”

I asked a poor old woman if I could take her home. She smiled and said yes. However, the expression on her face soon changed when I started walking away with her cardboard box.

Poor Bubba got burnt up so bad in a house fire that the coroner needed someone to identify the body. So Bubba's two best friends (the three were inseparable) agreed. The first friend said, "Hard to tell, can you turn him over?" The coroner looked perplexed but did so. "Nope, that's not Bubba." The second friend said, "He's burnt up pretty bad, can you roll him over again?" The coroner didn't understand but rolled him over anyway. "Nope, that's not him." Pretty confused, the coroner asked, "How can you tell it's not him by rolling him over?" "Well, you see, Bubba had two assholes." "Impossible," the coroner replied. The friends said, "I don't know, but every time we went to town, everyone would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"

Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles' elbow.

Poor Stephen Hawking couldn't pass the "I'm not a robot" test.

You're so poor you wash paper plates.

Yo mama so poor, she can't even pay attention.

You're so poor, people break into your house and leave things.

What's a perfect example of poor management? A prostitute getting pregnant.

You're so poor, if I ever broke into your house, I'd give you things.

You're so poor, when you kicked a can, a man asked, "Are you moving?"

You're so poor that when you drink water from a cup, people flick a coin into it.

Your wife dumped you because you are so poor and you are so ugly. You also live under a rock and have no money. You got dumped so hard you can't remember you got dumped.

I'm so poor that when people come over to my house, I come out the window and say, "Ding Dong!"

Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.

Poor bastard.

You're so poor that when you walked into an elevator, you thought it was a mobile home.