Somebody asked me whats that on your arm I just said "My cats got ocd"
When you suffer from depression and Somebody tells you to just cheer up-- Me: my goodness, what an idea! why didn't i think of this before
Why don't orphans like to get lost??
Because somebody's going to ask where their parents are.
How do you know when Helen Keller is home? Answer; When you hear somebody falling down the stairs!
Its all shits and giggles till somebody giggles and shits.
That awkward moment when your checking yourself out in the window of a car and you realize there’s somebody inside
A homeless man sits in front of a home Depot, a man walking out of the store hands him some money and asks "Why are you in front of the home Depot?" And the man says "Isn't it obvious? Hoping somebody accidentally drops the house they just bought."
To mama so fat when she went on a plane somebody yelled A SOLLAR ECLIPSE
Somebody told me chemistry joke. I thought it was sodium funny, I slapped my neon that one.
Today is the day of 9/11 and we were in class making jokes and somebody said that’s sad and I was like why and they said “ today is the day the towers went down” and I said just like I did on you mum last night
If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it. Works they be kicking or hitting you?
(some kid crying because hes an orphan and kids are bulling him) teacher:HEY i was a orphan to so if you bully him your basicly trying to bully me too me:OOF teacher:now is somebody not here? me:your parents
somebody told me to cheer up so....i told him to pass me a rope :)
ahem.. if somebody you dont like, or somebody random just calls you in general,
answer the phone with this
Hello thank you for choosing mamas pizzeria/ abortion clinic, your loss is our sauce how may i help you?
or
hello this is davids orphanage you make them we take them how may i help you?
some people reactions are priceless and then the wonder about you mental health
A man walks into his house, only to find out somebody stole all of his lamps. He was absolutely delighted.