Somebody jokes
Somebody asked me, "What's that on your arm?" I just said, "My cats got OCD."
When you suffer from depression and somebody tells you to just cheer up-- Me: My goodness, what an idea! Why didn't I think of this before?
Why don't orphans like to get lost?
Because somebody's going to ask where their parents are.
How do you know when Helen Keller is home?
Answer: When you hear somebody falling down the stairs!
A homeless man sits in front of a Home Depot. A man walking out of the store hands him some money and asks, "Why are you in front of the Home Depot?" And the man says, "Isn't it obvious? Hoping somebody accidentally drops the house they just bought."
It's all shits and giggles till somebody giggles and shits.
You gotta give it to JD Vance. He is consistent; he is Putin his dick where it don't belong!
Well, somebody has to cushion the blow.
Why do orphans love having sex?
Because they can finally call somebody "daddy."
What's a good way to masturbate?
Get somebody to do it for you.
A gay guy and a trucker get in a car crash.
The gay guy says, "Somebody call the police! This man just rammed into me!"
The trucker says, "What the fuck did you just say, fucker? Get over here, I'm gonna wreck your ass!"
The gay man then says, "It's okay, everybody, don't call the police! He wants to negotiate."
Suicide is just freedom, life is just full of pain... Sometimes if you're gone maybe somebody might notice. Feels like life is a maze and the only way to leave is the exit. Nobody notices your pain, your suffering, and that you try your best though everyone notices your mistakes. Life just feels like everyone hates you. Life for me is just faking smiles, I'm not sure how everyone lives such a good life.
POV: Someone stole Michael Jackson's baby: "He he stole my bab(y), he he."
Yo mama so fat when she went on a plane, somebody yelled "A solar eclipse!"
Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)
Somebody told me a chemistry joke. I thought it was sodium funny, I slapped my neon that one.
Today is the day of 9/11, and we were in class making jokes, and somebody said, "That's sad." I was like, "Why?" And they said, "Today is the day the towers went down." I said, "Just like I did on your mum last night."
If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?
(some kid crying because hes an orphan and kids are bulling him) teacher:HEY i was a orphan to so if you bully him your basicly trying to bully me too me:OOF teacher:now is somebody not here? me:your parents
People say that they can read people's faces; then how come nobody sees me breaking inside?
Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,
answer the phone with this:
"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"
or
"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"
Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.