Russian Jokes

5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.

My friend loves playing Roulette, so I figured I would introduce him to Russian Roulette. Blew his mind.

Russian, American, and Polish stood by the lake shore.

Russian ran ahead to dive and yelled "vodka" and the lake changed into vodka.

Polish ran ahead to dive and yelled "beer" and the lake changed into beer.

American ran to dive,slipped,and said, "oh shit".

If you bet on Russian roulette even if you win you still lose

if at first you don't succeed Maybe Russian Roulette isn't for you

how many russians does it take to change a light bulb. I don't know they just keep Putin them in.

Russian history in 5 words: "And then things got worse."

What do you call a Russian man with three balls? 'Whodya nikabollokov'

My girlfriend and I played Russian Roulette once We had sex afterwards even though she lost

you want to know the bad thing? only 5 out of 6 people like Russian roulette

What is more dangerous than Russian gangs?

Russian malls

A Russian walked into a bar... unlucky for him, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you

A very rich and famous comedian walked in to a Russian bar and asked for a vodka, but the bar man (a big fan of his) answered to him: - This vodka isn't good enough for you. - If it is good enough for you it is gudonov for me!

An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. ¨You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you?¨ The Cuban simply says, ¨See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap.¨ The other passengers are reassured and respond with, ¨Oh, OK.¨

The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. ¨You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you?¨ The Russian simply states, ¨See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap.¨ Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, ¨Ah, yes! Of course.¨

The American scratches his head and goes, ¨I think I see the pattern here.¨ So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window!¨

Gather 6 friends to play Russian roulette and one's mind will be blown away.

What do you call a Russian pharmacist? 'Ivan Astichestykov,

An american is touring the Soviet union. A russian takes him to a school so he can see what its like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The american asks whats wrong and he cries "I want to live in the Soviet Union!"

Why did Vladimir Putin get bad grades?-- Because he was a Russian.

What do you call a Russian tree?

Dimitree

Why shouldn't you buy Russian underpants ? Because Chernobyl fallout .