Car jokes

What did the bus driver say to the car?

"What is your address?"

My daughter came home from school later than usual. I was panicking, then at 5:30 p.m. she arrived, not walking but in a bus 🚌. I asked, "Where the hell did this bus come from?" She said, "The garage in the alleyway, Mama. I bought it for five gummies and eight buttons. You like her? She is called Belle Bus." My face was just: 😑 How did you get the bus here? She replies with a whisper, "I drove her through five gardens, a house, and two police cars!" 🙃 So that explains why you have handcuffs on. "Yeah!"

What's the difference between my car and a hooker? I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.

My blind son got hit by a car when he was riding his new bike. He should have been paying attention.

What do you call a Chinese car thief?

Tommy Tookamota.

What did the rapper say to the traffic jam?

"Move over, I'm about to drop some FIRE!"

Rapboat steals more rhymes than black people steal cars.

What's the difference between a car and a car?

I have absolutely no idea, sorry.

Why did the rhino eat the car?

Poop.

What’s the difference between my mom and the Twin Towers?

My mom got hit by two cars. The Twin Towers got hit by two planes.

Kaj je pomaranča rekla, ko jo je povozil avto?

A penis is driving a car when all of a sudden it gets hit by a car, what did the penis end up saying?

Aaaawwwww I got dicklash!

Why did the car drive over the cake?

'Cause it was in tiers!! Lol, sorry this ain't funny.

My sister said, "LET'S GO TO PIZZA!" So, I went to the pizza shop with her and she replied, "We really only needed the car?"

What time is it when you get hit by a car? Time to die.

This guy went to the gas station to get some gas, and as he asked the cashier for gas he noticed a terrible smell. He asked what the smell was and the cashier replied, "That's your gas, cuz I farted. Now hand me the 20 bucks!"

The guy said, "No, not the kind that comes from your ass, but the kind you put in a car!" The cashier says, "That fart was worth 20 bucks, so beat it!"

Guy says, "I need real gas, nothing about your ass impresses me!" Then another guy gets in line and says, "I know the guy personally, we grew up together. Always trying to be the cool kid in school, bragging about his big horse's ass...no wonder he was always the *butt* of all jokes!"

My teacher asks all of us in class, "What is your favorite thing in the world?"

Josh: Cookies.

Jacob: My parents.

Erika: My Friends!

Brody: Lamborghinis.

Me: Pulling over in a car in the middle of nowhere at night with my girlfriend and getting in the back seat where the magic happens... ;-)

My Teacher: Ok, everyone that was all good...WAIT A DANG SECOND!

*Everyone Looks at Me With A Weird Face....

They said I couldn't drive.

Now they know I can't cause they are all dead.

Why can't Helen Keller drive?

'Cause she's already dead.

What car do elves drive?

Toy-yodas.