Car jokes
Q: What is red, white, and blue and fun to watch?
A: A cop car rolling over after trying to catch someone for speeding.
My blind friend got ran over by a parked car.
A man walks into a bar, he gets a concussion.
After 2 months of recovering, the same man rushes head first into the bar. He goes into a coma.
After 2 years, he amazingly wakes up. He then gets in his car and drives into the bar at 70 mph. He dies. Did I mention he was suicidal?
What did the mechanic say to the other mechanic when he broke the car?
"How will we wrench ourselves out of this?"
I almost got run over by a car.
For the rest of the day I was taking the backseat as I was wheely tried.
All the traffic stopping the cars, how do you spell that without any R’s?
That.
A guy crashed his Ford SUV. He couldn't escape.
So, today is my birthday. Today, I am 13, but yesterday I am going to turn 10. But I am not even going to school to know the number ten, because one time at 10 p.m. in the morning it was so cold in my hot room, so I went outside to drive my car. But I stopped because the light turned green. I was taking a bath in the front of my car, and it didn’t have a bin, so I am taking a sh$t.
Why did Hitler get hit by a car? Because he did Nazi that coming!
1950: In the future there will be flying cars.
2018: Pewdiepie shuts down Shane Dawson.
Every time someone calls you a little different, car? Just say, "No, I'm not."
I accidentally hit an orphan with my car, but I was not worried because he couldn’t tell his parents.
"Hay, can you help me to her on..." No, that is gross. I meant my car.
So I was in the car with my mom one time and we always joke about me being adopted (I am not), and Michael Jackson's song "Billie Jean" sounds like my name, and so my mom says, as the song is playing, "(My name) is not my daughter, she's just a girl who claims that I am her mum." Wow. *applauds for mother* Love you momma =)
Why did the car fall asleep?
Because he was too tired.
I had a dream about a car, and I woke up exhausted.
I was at the club and then my dad walked up and said, "You're 15, why are you high and at the club?" So I ran. Then my uncle was at the car and took me home, so I was grounded. Then my boyfriend came because my parents went out and we had sex and we were very loud. My dad came home and walked in. He had my boyfriend pin me against the wall so my dad could spank me.
What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?
...A girl scout that got hit by a car.
My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.
My friend Amir didn’t have the greatest driving record because of all the car crashes he got in. He only crashed his plane once in a building, so he had a much better flying record.