Car jokes
Three nuns die in a car crash, but they all make it to heaven. They're standing at the pearly gates, and Saint Peter says to them, "Don't worry, you're going to get in, but first I need you to answer these questions."
He asks the first nun, "What was the name of the first woman?" The nun says, "Eve." Saint Peter says, "Go on in."
Then he asks the second nun, "Where did Adam and Eve live?" The second one says, "The Garden of Eden." Saint Peter says, "You can go through."
Finally, he gets to the third nun and says, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" The nun stands there a little confused and says, "Boy, that's a hard one." Saint Peter, shocked, goes, "That's correct! Go on in."
A project manager, a mechanical engineer, and a computer scientist are on a road trip through the mountains. As they're going down a pass, the brakes suddenly fail. The car goes off the road and crashes down into the valley. A bit dazed, the three of them get out.
The project manager says, "Well, the best thing to do is to have a meeting and assess the situation."
The mechanical engineer replies, "Nonsense, I have my pocketknife, I'll fix the brakes with that."
Then the computer scientist comes along and says, "Why make it so complicated? Let's push the car back up the road, get in, and see if it happens again."
There are three Mexicans in a car. Who's driving?
The cop!
What do you call a seven who's not feeling well? A sick seven
Where did Sally go after stepping onto the minefield? Everywhere
Getting a girlfriend is just like parking a car; usually all the good ones are taken, so you just gotta stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.
What do you get when you cross a Chinese and an Indian man?
A car thief who can't drive.
What do you call a race car driver with Down syndrome? Down shift.
Q. If a pedophile, necrophile, and a guy who is into incest are all sitting in a car, who's driving?
A. A police officer.
I was at my grandparents' and saw someone breaking into a car. I told my grandpa, "He's trying to break into the car!" He said, "No, ours is in the garden."
There are a lot of things that explode... like cars, boats, the Twin Towers.
I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."
What do you call a Japanese car thief?
Tommy took a motor.
My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.
I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.
What gets long when you put it, slides into holes, and likes to squeeze between boobs?
A seatbelt.
Why did the suicidal person cross the road? He was waiting for a car.
A priest was driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.
The cop asked him if he had anything to drink. The priest said just water.
The cop said, "Then why can I smell wine?"
The priest said, "Good Lord, it happened again!"
A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?
The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.
Why did the telemarketer cross the road?
I don't know.
I don't know either, but I hope there was a car coming.
What does an Asian say when his car tires burst on the highway?
"Some Ting Wheely Wong!"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he got hit by a car.
What do you call a cab for black men?
A cop car.