Car jokes

I was at my grandparents' and saw someone breaking into a car. I told my grandpa, "He's trying to break into the car!" He said, "No, ours is in the garden."

There are a lot of things that explode... like cars, boats, the Twin Towers.

I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."

What do you call a Japanese car thief?

Tommy took a motor.

My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.

I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.

What gets long when you put it, slides into holes, and likes to squeeze between boobs?

A seatbelt.

Why did the suicidal person cross the road? He was waiting for a car.

A priest was driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.

The cop asked him if he had anything to drink. The priest said just water.

The cop said, "Then why can I smell wine?"

The priest said, "Good Lord, it happened again!"

A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?

The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.

Why did the telemarketer cross the road?

I don't know.

I don't know either, but I hope there was a car coming.

What does an Asian say when his car tires burst on the highway?

"Some Ting Wheely Wong!"

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he got hit by a car.

What do you call a cab for black men?

A cop car.

Why did the frog take the train to work? His car got toad.

A girl called me ugly.

So I drove over her with a car and called her flat.

Paul Walker started in 3 movies: Fast and Furious, Gone in 60 Seconds, To Die Hard.

"John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. Me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety."

I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars until I learned they wouldn’t support Windows.

Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said, “Parking fine.”

What’s the difference between women and cars?

At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.