Road Jokes

Anonymous hobo man
in Depression

why did the depressed person cross the road.

to get ran over.

THE FUNNY DUDE
in Adult

Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test.” “I can’t”, Jim responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.” “Alright,” says the cop, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.” “Can’t do that either,” Jim responds, “I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won’t stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.” “Ok,” the cop answers “then I will need a urine sample.” “Sorry,” says Jim “I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low.” “Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me.” “Can’t do that either” responds Jim. “Why not?” Demanded the exasperated cop. “Well, because I’m drunk!”

Connor

Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us? Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road? Son:why? Dad: To get to the other side but your mother only made it about halfway

Anonymous

Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put the wrong socks on this morning.

Anonymous
in Yo mama

yo momma so fat that when she crossed the road people mistook her for a roundabout.

Anonymous

They named road after george floyd it was a dead end though

Sam
in Depression

Why did i walk across the road?

to get hit by a car

9
Anonymous
in Orphan

why cant the orphan play the game of life? they dont know what a family road trip is. 😆

Anonymous

you

Madison R.
in Blonde

A Blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

The Blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

‘What does it look like?’ she finally asked. The policewoman replied, ‘It’s square and it has you picture on it.’

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. ‘Here it is,’ she said.

The Blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, “OK, you can go. I didn’t realize you were a cop…”

0
Cranbox

We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read “its a bumpy road but soon u will have a straight path.” People didnt realize it was meant for his heart monitor.

that guy
in Puns

A man walks into a bar with a slab of concrete under his arm and says "A beer please! and one for the road!"

Anonymous

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Suicide.

Anonymous

How did the Dead baby cross the road? It was strapped to the chicken.

2
Ratchet the Hatchet

My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.

Anonymous
in Puns

I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home there were signs everywhere

Anonymous
in Chicken

Why did the one-armed man cross the road?

To get to the second-hand shop.

Crow

So this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road he starts speeding. Eventually he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, is my wife okay, she was carrying my child. The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes “APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage

buzzernot

why did the vegetable cross the road. He didn’t he just sat there