Drunk

THE FUNNY DUDE

Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test.” “I can’t”, Jim responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.” “Alright,” says the cop, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.” “Can’t do that either,” Jim responds, “I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won’t stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.” “Ok,” the cop answers “then I will need a urine sample.” “Sorry,” says Jim “I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low.” “Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me.” “Can’t do that either” responds Jim. “Why not?” Demanded the exasperated cop. “Well, because I’m drunk!”

Depression

Anonymous hobo man

why did the depressed person cross the road.

to get ran over.

Dad

Connor

Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us? Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road? Son:why? Dad: To get to the other side but your mother only made it about halfway

Depression

Sam

Why did i walk across the road?

to get hit by a car

Kid

Cranbox

We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read “its a bumpy road but soon u will have a straight path.” People didnt realize it was meant for his heart monitor.

Friend

Ratchet the Hatchet

My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.

Baby

Anonymous

How did the Dead baby cross the road? It was strapped to the chicken.

Fat

Anonymous

yo momma so fat that when she crossed the road people mistook her for a roundabout.

Puns

Anonymous

I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home there were signs everywhere

Vegetable

buzzernot

why did the vegetable cross the road. He didn’t he just sat there

Toilet

John cena

Why didn’t the toilet paper make it across the road?

It got stuck in a crack

Kid

Anonymous

When I was in 4th grade, we wrote letters to kids in the hospital. I wrote: It is a bumpy road but soon it will be a straight path. Not many people know I was talking about their heart monitor.

Man

Sweet Venomous Lies

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the gay mans house.

Knock,knock

Who’s there?

The chicken.

Fart

ChunkyTomato234

why did the chicken cross the road?

the chicken next to him farted.

Woman

Madison R.

A Blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

The Blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

‘What does it look like?’ she finally asked. The policewoman replied, ‘It’s square and it has you picture on it.’

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. ‘Here it is,’ she said.

The Blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, “OK, you can go. I didn’t realize you were a cop…”

Sadness

Anonymous

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friends pen, in the end he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chickens life

Pterodactyl

Nothing is my fault

What Road goes all the way to the sky? A Highway

Cry

Anonymous

Why did the turkey cross the road twice? To prove he wasn’t a chicken!

Puns

Anonymous

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

Die

heck

why did the chicken cross the road.

to die

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