Drunk man jokes

Guy

    • A guy is sitting at a bar when a drunk man walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk man comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The guy sitting looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk man walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what? Go home Dad!"

  • 2

    • Cop

    • A cop pulls a man over and finds out he's drunk. So he asks for license and registration, and the drunk man says, "Can I see your flashlight?"

    The cop says, "Just give me your license and registration." So drunk guy says, "Not until you give me your flashlight."

    The cop said, "For what?" and the drunk guy says, "So I can shine it in your face and see what an asshole looks like."

  • 1

    • Man

    • Three drunk men get in a taxi. The driver knew they were drunk, so he started the car and turned it off. The first man gave him the money. The second man thanked him, but the third man slapped the driver. The driver, surprised that he noticed, asked why, and the third man replied with, "Why did you drive so fast?"

  • 1

    • Wheelchair

    • A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him:

    Wife: "Why is your face all bloody?"

    Husband: "I was so drunk that I couldn't stand up, so I kept falling on my face!"

    Wife: "Idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!"

  • 10

    • Drunk people

    • An Indian guy and an American guy in a wheelchair met in a bar for drinks.

    The American guy got drunk and fell on the sidewalk.

    The Indian guy got drunk and walked away.

  • 1

    • Man

    • A man sits in a bar and gets seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics.

    The bartender asked, "What's wrong, sir?"

    The man replies, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me."

    The bartender says, "Put $20 in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash."

    So the man walks out with the $20 he put in his shirt pocket. The next day, the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?"

    The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me $20 bucks for the wash."

    The wife pulls out the money. "There is $40," says the wife.

    "Oh, he also peed on me and paid for the wash, too." The man walks away believing he didn't get caught by his wife.

  • 2