What do you take care of after a car crash? The witnesses
A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands for money.
Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."
The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
I was beefin wit a dude and a wheel chair so I took his wheel chair and threw it across the street and told him walk it off u will be fine
A panda walks into a bar, he asked the bar tender for a sandwich and then proceeds to shoot him the leaves the bar. Later on, after asking witnesses, the police track down the panda and take him to the station. They question him and ask, “why’d you do it?” The panda replied, “it’s what pandas do, look it up.” So they did, they went on Wikipedia and there it was: Pandas eat shoots and leaves.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
If Donald Trump is running against Bill Clinton, it's safe to say that we are witnessing the Lolita Express Erections...oops, I mean Elections.
"Sir, in court, all your answers must be oral, okay?"
"Ok."
"What town did you grow up in?"
"Oral."
I saw a robbery at the Apple store.
Am I an iWitness?
There is a man in the hospital the power went out and the man was stabbed to death, there are three witnesses, the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who was at the vending machine, who killed the man? The mom did because you can’t use a vending machine when the powers out!
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it. The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!" (Found on the web if you don't like it don't leave a hate comment)
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
me: im home ma heres her with a new dad her: go hang wit someone :me gets the noose goes to fav tree i love you ma 🙂
what do you get when you crossa vapire wit a teacher?/ lotsa blood test
joe mama so fat that she is homeless wit you.
Have u been to that paraplegic strip club? Its crawling wit pussy!
How do the men with bisexual tendencies that are members in the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses have sex with other men without being disfellowship in the Jehovah's Witnesses Church anonymous sex at a glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar
One person said you are much more beautiful than Cinderella, the next day, your in court and Cinderella is the witness. ( P.S. she was born to be a drama queen. )
Lil bro's hairline is making me hungry wit that M shape also hitten me wit that damb batab bat bat baaa.
Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia. The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.
After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops in the lounge and asks the receptionist to bring tea to their room in five minutes.
The man walks back into the room, joins the table, leans towards a power outlet and speaks into it:
"Comrade major, we want some tea to room 62 please."
His friends laugh on the joke, until there is a knock on the door. The receptionist brings a teapot. His friends fall silent and pale, horrified of what they just witnessed. The party is dead, and the man goes to sleep.
After a good night's rest, the man wakes up, and notices his friends are gone. Surprised, he walks downstairs and asks the receptionist where they went.
The nervous receptionist whispers that KGB came and took them before dawn.
The man is horrified. He wonders why he was spared.
The receptionist responds:
"Well, comrade major did quite like your tea joke."
