Car Jokes

Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car.

When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.

When you're going 80 km in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screams.

What are the wedding vows of a suicide bomber?

Til death do we park.

What fits neatly into a hole, slides nicely between breasts, and if used wrong could choke someone? A seatbelt.

If you drive a Lamborghini, then you have a tiny weenie.

If your daily is a Chevy, then your mom is super heavy.

What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits a car's windshield at 100 mph?

Its ass.

What did Homer Simpson say when he ran over a deer? "DOE!"

How many astronauts can you fit into a VW Bug? 11, 4 in the seats, seven in the ashtray.

Today I found out that my cat got hit by a car accident. Well, I guess I'm gonna play ninja fruits on my hands again. It's not like anyone will notice.

What's the difference between a Lambo and 200 children in my basement? One screams; the children don't.

What happened to the frog that parked illegally?

He was toad away.

Get it?

I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps, and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire, and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried, but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.

The daughter of an incestuous pedophile goes into the living room where he is watching TV and asks him if she can borrow the car that evening.

"Sure honey! If you suck my dick!"

So she gets down on him but something is wrong. She pops her head up and says: "Dad! This tastes like shit!"

"Oh yeah, I forgot," says the father. "I already gave your brother the car for tonight."

What does a broken down vegetable say?

I need new wheels.

"Yes, officer! It was a requirement to run over that child. It matched perfectly with the beat drop!"

Imagine someone leaving a cut-out of Jeff Bezos on your car after you found out your blind bf cheated on you, and the McDonald's employee says over the speaker, "Weren't expecting him to see other hoes were you?"

My wife told me to treat her like a princess, so I got drunk and drove through the tunnel.

I learned my dad got into a car crash this morning.

And my driver's license got revoked too.