Car jokes
Where is the worst place to lock your keys in your car?
The anti-abortion clinic because you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.
Why did the frog take the train to work? His car got toad.
So, a daughter goes to her dad and says, "Daddy, can I borrow the car?" He then tells her, "You know what to do." So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust, and says, "Ugh, tastes like shit." Her dad then said, "Damn, I forgot your brother took the car."
How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car?
Open a pizza shop 🍕
A man hits a woman with his car. Whose fault was it?
The man, why was he driving in the kitchen?
A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!" The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"
How many babies does it take to paint wheels red?
It depends on your speed.
If you buy a Renault Megane, all your girls will be gone.
Why did Paul Walker die? Because he crashed a car into a tree.
What's the difference between a brand new Oldsmobile and a brand new Raping?
...Rape.
My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.
If you drive a Lamborghini, then you have a tiny weenie.
How does Stephen Hawking get clean?
He uses Tesco car wash.
Why do sisters have to be in a relationship? Because you don’t have to worry about your car.
Yo mama so stupid that when she went to see Fast and Furious 8, she was bringing her car to the theater.
I learned my dad got into a car crash this morning.
And my driver's license got revoked too.
Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.
When you're going 80 km in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screams.
I was anonymous with the previous jokes. I will now go by "I can fly! *falls*."
What's black and white and red all over? A mime I hit with my car.
My dad seen RuPaul's Drag Race?
Asked when will they do up the cars!