Car jokes
What happens when a black person gets in a car? The check oil light turns on.
How do you know you're following a DeLorean? The white line disappears.
When you hear your mom’s car pull in the driveway and you remember that she told you to take the chicken out of the freezer 7 hours ago.
Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.
The daughter of an incestuous pedophile goes into the living room where he is watching TV and asks him if she can borrow the car that evening.
"Sure honey! If you suck my dick!"
So she gets down on him but something is wrong. She pops her head up and says: "Dad! This tastes like shit!"
"Oh yeah, I forgot," says the father. "I already gave your brother the car for tonight."
If you drive a Lamborghini, then you have a tiny weenie.
If your daily is a Chevy, then your mom is super heavy.
What did Dom Toretto say about the tree Paul Walker hit?
"Family strong, but not that strong."
If you run next to a car, you get tired, but if you run behind it, you get exhausted.
I'll be here all week... sadly enough for you.
Q: How do you blind a woman?
A: You put a windshield in front of her.
Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car.
I decided that I'll end it all, but when I drove off, I remembered I forgot to do the dishes.
What fits neatly into a hole, slides nicely between breasts, and if used wrong could choke someone? A seatbelt.
When you're going 80 km in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screams.
What are the wedding vows of a suicide bomber?
Til death do we park.
Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff?
Yea, they found her “head and shoulders“ on the backseat of her car.
A project manager, a mechanical engineer, and a computer scientist are on a road trip through the mountains. As they're going down a pass, the brakes suddenly fail. The car goes off the road and crashes down into the valley. A bit dazed, the three of them get out.
The project manager says, "Well, the best thing to do is to have a meeting and assess the situation."
The mechanical engineer replies, "Nonsense, I have my pocketknife, I'll fix the brakes with that."
Then the computer scientist comes along and says, "Why make it so complicated? Let's push the car back up the road, get in, and see if it happens again."
What did Homer Simpson say when he ran over a deer? "DOE!"
Q: What do you call a pigeon that is full of poop that flies in front of a car?
A: A suicide bomber.
What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits a car's windshield at 100 mph?
Its ass.