Car jokes

The daughter of an incestuous pedophile goes into the living room where he is watching TV and asks him if she can borrow the car that evening.

"Sure honey! If you suck my dick!"

So she gets down on him but something is wrong. She pops her head up and says: "Dad! This tastes like shit!"

"Oh yeah, I forgot," says the father. "I already gave your brother the car for tonight."

What happens when a black person gets in a car? The check oil light turns on.

If your daily is a Chevy, then your mom is super heavy.

If you drive a Lamborghini, then you have a tiny weenie.

If you run next to a car, you get tired, but if you run behind it, you get exhausted.

I'll be here all week... sadly enough for you.

What did Dom Toretto say about the tree Paul Walker hit?

"Family strong, but not that strong."

Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car.

When you're going 80 km in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screams.

What are the wedding vows of a suicide bomber?

Til death do we park.

Q: How do you blind a woman?

A: You put a windshield in front of her.

What fits neatly into a hole, slides nicely between breasts, and if used wrong could choke someone? A seatbelt.

I decided that I'll end it all, but when I drove off, I remembered I forgot to do the dishes.

What did Homer Simpson say when he ran over a deer? "DOE!"

What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits a car's windshield at 100 mph?

Its ass.

How many astronauts can you fit into a VW Bug? 11, 4 in the seats, seven in the ashtray.

Today I found out that my cat got hit by a car accident. Well, I guess I'm gonna play ninja fruits on my hands again. It's not like anyone will notice.

What happened to the frog that parked illegally?

He was toad away.

Get it?

What's the difference between a Lambo and 200 children in my basement? One screams; the children don't.

I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps, and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire, and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried, but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.

What does a broken down vegetable say?

I need new wheels.