Existence Jokes

Anonymous

My girlfriend treats me like God. – She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

2

I call my friends Dodo birds. Because they don’t exist.

Anonymous

A kid asks hims mom “mom how much do you love me” the mother responds with “i love you as much as i love your brother” the kid looks confused and says “but i don’t have a brother” the mother smiles and says "well i guess my love is not existing

Vyx
in America

A straight man and a gay man are talking, the straight man says, “I’m wanted in 2 states for murder.” and the gay man replies with, “oh, that sucks. I’m wanted in 13 for existing.”

Anonymous
in Darkness

Let’s say there’s a person who should have never come to exist. How would you find them?
A: Look in a mirror.

random_person

The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it. The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.

The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:

“Okay! Okay! I’m a rabbit! I’m a rabbit!” (Found on the web if you don’t like it don’t leave a hate comment)

Billy Gayes

You want a joke. My entire existence.

A Real Man
in Female

Why did the feminist get banned? For spreading conspiracy theories about the (non-existent) gender wage gap

random person

What do sexists and WNBA fans have in common?

There’s enough of them to acknowledge their existence.

(just a joke, no offense)

4
TACOS!!!
in Appetite

Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because chickens didn’t exist then.

8

This is a plane 2 for 1 combo to never exist.

But, it’s like a plane pizza.

Nothing happens, but it terrorizes me.

Anonymous
in Orphan

They say one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. That’s why orphanages exist!

Anonymous

Some people ask why jokes exist, I say when a mommy and daddy love each other very much they have sex and they make another one of you

HomosexualHazard

My fortune cookie said “Your existing plans will succeed.” Not necessarily since I’m suicidal…

Rswipe
in Christmas

Christmas. Living proof arseholes exist

man child
in Hairline

your hairline goes sooooo far back that dinosaurs exist on it

Death&Decay

What’s the difference between a GOD and MY MOM. My mom exists. I mean… she did at one point! unlike any “GODS”.

Anus McDickNuggets

My son got in trouble for writing the following underneath the question “do aliens exist” “of course they do! They live in Mexico!”

Anus McDickNuggets
in Woman

I went to the “lists of women” page on wikipedia and it was blank. either, wikipedia is proving w*men do not exist or john cena decided to come out as transgender

Anonymous

Rape jokes are the funniest thing to ever exist