Ex jokes
Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.
I had a horrible nightmare yesterday. I was in a room filled with all of my ex's, so I was completely alone.
I've been looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer for the past two years.
But no one would do it.
"Hey, today was great."
"What happened?"
"I ran into my ex today."
"What's so great about that?"
"I was in my car."
I just found out my ex got stabbed today... let's just say I lost my job as a butcher.
A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.
My ex still misses me... But her aim is getting better every time!
What is the difference between a coconut and your ex?
One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at, the other one is a coconut.
Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horses, and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.
The last thing I told my ex after we broke up was, "At least we're still cousins!" 😂
I was walking down the street when I thought I smelled my ex's perfume. Turns out, I was standing in front of a fish market.
What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.
I hate family reunions.
I see too many of my ex's there.
A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him, "Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude." The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it.
The genie says, "This is your last wish so really make this one count." The guy says, "Well, I've always wanted to drive out to the Hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands." The Genie says, "That is asking for quite a lot and I'm not sure if I can pull that off, is there anything else you'd want?" The guy says, "Well, I've been married and divorced three times, and I just can't understand what I've been doing wrong. I've given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could, but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women." The genie thinks for a few moments and says, "Do you want a three or four lane highway?"
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better!
Ex-Boyfriend: You have no ass, so we're through!
Me: Stop being a dickhead, dude!! It ain't gonna make your little sausage any bigger!
My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.
To be honest, I should have seen the signs.
My ex-wife was smoking pot with Snow White, when the 7 dwarfs saw them they sang...
"Look at those high Ho's! Hiiiiiiii Hoooooo'sssss!!!!"