Snail

Snail Jokes

Man

A man is at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. A few years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”

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  • Turtle

    One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles. Once the cops arrived and asked what had happened, the snail said, "I don't know, it all happened too fast!"

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  • Car

    Why did the snail paint a big "S" on his car?

    Because he wanted people to say look at that S-car go when he rolled by.

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  • Man

    A man opened a snail farm.

    He said that it is a slow-moving business.

    Stand up

    Once I was asked to perform snail jokes at a stand-up comedy night. I certainly snailed it because the crowd thought it was shellerious.

    Depression

    Have you ever observed the depression cycle of a snail?

    It's pretty much a downward spiral.

    Food

    Every culture has weird food.

    Australians eat vegemite. The British eat haggis. The French eat snails. The Chinese eat dogs. The Americans eat their young siblings' private parts.

    Man

    A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.

    He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.

    He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

    Three years later there's a knock at the door.

    He opens it and sees the same snail.

    The snail says, "What was that all about?"

    Payback

    Tails: Hey, Sonic, do you need payback? Oh, you are not a fat hedgehog, you are a snail.

    Sonic: But I'm a fat snail because Dr. Eggman turned me into a snail.

    Tails: I don't trust you, fat snail.

    Turtle

    A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

    Shellfish

    "Have you ever heard of the snail that never gives charity?"

    "Yeah, he is so shellfish!"

    Mole

    Ok, so, a mole goes up to a snail and eats him.

    It was a seven course meal if I say so myself.