Car jokes

A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said:

"I have good news and bad news."

The wife said: "What's the good news?"

"We managed to save his arm."

"What's the bad news?"

"We couldn't save the rest of him."

POV you are drunk and telling jokes and no one is listening 😭😭😭

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."

My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!

A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds, "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."

That awkward moment when you're checking yourself out in the window of a car and you realize there's somebody inside.

Yo mama so dumb, she sold her car for gas money.

Yo mama so poor the ducks throw bread at her.

Why are women like hurricanes?

They come in nasty and wet, then leave with your house and car.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

It didn't, I hit it with my car 3 blocks down.

My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.

I said to my pregnant wife, "Push, darling, come on, push harder, dear!" No, she wasn't giving birth; the bloody car would not start.

What do most 50-year-old men put inside their cars?

Children.

Stephen Hawking shows up to a car meet-up.

A guy bought an AMG and crashed it. Now he knows how the Mercedes bends.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.

What did the traffic light 🚦 say to the car 🚗? Don’t look, I’m about to change!

Why did I walk across the road?

To get hit by a car.

What’s a Muslim’s favorite car?

A Citroën C4.

A man went to a Ford dealership hoping to find a car, but he said they weren't affordable.

Why do cats like to sleep on the floor?

'Cause it's a car-PET.