Car jokes
Do you know a way to really freak out someone that works at a car dealership?
You say, "Tell me if you can hear me," then get in the trunk and start screaming.
Why did the snail paint a big "S" on his car?
Because he wanted people to say look at that S-car go when he rolled by.
A truck carrying Vicks VapoRub overturned on the highway. Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours straight.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It didn't, I hit it with my car 3 blocks down.
Two men are in a rainforest, and one of them is peeing. Suddenly, a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!” He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car, so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened, and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out.” The man went back to the other man and said, “There is no hope, you will die.”
Every time someone calls you a little different, car? Just say, "No, I'm not."
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said:
"I have good news and bad news."
The wife said: "What's the good news?"
"We managed to save his arm."
"What's the bad news?"
"We couldn't save the rest of him."
My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!
What's a car's favorite place to hang out?
A CARnival!
A man went to a Ford dealership hoping to find a car, but he said they weren't affordable.
POV: you
What did the traffic light 🚦 say to the car 🚗? Don’t look, I’m about to change!
What's the difference between a happy family and a car guy? Only one has a family.
What’s a Muslim’s favorite car?
A Citroën C4.
I almost got run over by a car.
For the rest of the day I was taking the backseat as I was wheely tried.
Stephen Hawking shows up to a car meet-up.
A guy crashed his Ford SUV. He couldn't escape.
Why did the elephant cross the road? It didn't see the cars.
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."
I gave her a lift back to her crib because her car wouldn’t start.