Car jokes
I braced myself when I got in the car, but then I realized my wife wasn't driving.
There are more genders than there are cars in a Walmart parking lot.
Race car backwards is race car.
Race car sideways is how Paul Walker died.
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
Robin, get in the car.
What do you call an Asian that steals cars? Tommy toke a motor.
I got a GTR yesterday, now my kids say, "GTR we there yet?"
A young, innocent little girl is playing hopscotch, and she says, "You step on a crack, you break your mama's back." Then she steps on a crack, so her mother's back proceeded to break slowly. Then she said, "You step on a line, you break your dada's spine," but the neighbor's spine broke, and in happiness, the thought-to-be previous father gets in his car and drives through the garage door...
A down-on-his-luck Newfoundlander takes a job in Toronto. He hates every minute of it. The housing is overpriced, the traffic a bottleneck. Frustrated, he starts saving every penny until he can buy a car to go home to the outport.
Eventually someone takes pity on him and offers to sell him a car with no reverse for fifty bucks.
"I takes it!" the Newfie replies, "because I don't intends on coming back anyway."
Do you know a way to really freak out someone that works at a car dealership?
You say, "Tell me if you can hear me," then get in the trunk and start screaming.
Stig
My dad seen RuPaul's Drag Race?
Asked when will they do up the cars!
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said:
"I have good news and bad news."
The wife said: "What's the good news?"
"We managed to save his arm."
"What's the bad news?"
"We couldn't save the rest of him."
Hey guys, Billy has this weird disability where when he has sex with someone, he says their name really loud.
Billy: Hey guys, I just got back from my DADS!!
Wait, what Billy?
What kind of cars do Mexicans drive?
A Juanda.
Why are women like hurricanes?
They come in nasty and wet, then leave with your house and car.
So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.
About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."
What's worse than locking your keys in the car in front of an abortion clinic?
Having to go back inside and ask to borrow a hanger.
I did a walk today, but it was good for me and my car. And a walk today.
It's not bad that my car doesn't beep when reversing.
The screams of the passers-by are enough for me!
Why did the rapper take the bus to the studio?
Because their car ran out of RHYME.