Car jokes
How did they know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment...
Did you know Princess Diana was on the radio the night she died?
To be honest, she was on the whole dashboard too.
Two friends are talking and one says, "I had a good day today, I ran into my ex." The other guy replies, "How is that good?" The friend says, "I was in my car."
What do SpongeBob and Asians have in common?
They're both yellow and can't drive.
I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times. 😏
A priest was driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.
The cop asked him if he had anything to drink. The priest said just water.
The cop said, "Then why can I smell wine?"
The priest said, "Good Lord, it happened again!"
A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”
The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.
“It’s really not your day, is it?”
Little Johnny and little Sally walked in on Mommy and Daddy going at it in the bedroom doggy style. They innocently ask, "Mommy, Daddy what are you doing?"
Mommy says, "Oh, Daddy is just parking his car in Mommy's garage, now go and play."
A few minutes later they hear a blood curdling squeal and run to see what was the matter.
Little Johnny is running in circles squealing and little Sally says, "Well little Johnny was trying to park his car in my garage and he couldn't get the back wheels in so I took the scissors and cut them off."
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
How did they figure out what kind of shampoo Paul Walker used? They found his “head and shoulders” in the dash.
Why did Paul Walker cross the street?
Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
I was in the corner shop and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!
What's the similarity between women and car parking spaces? The good ones are always taken, and sometimes when nobody's looking, you slip in the disabled one.
Yo mama so fat, you must refuel twice to run over her with a car.
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he's drinking a magical drink. He asks, "What's so magical about it?" The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, "Y'know, you're a real jerk when you're drunk, Superman."
Q: What's stronger than family?
A: Whatever tree Paul Walker hit.
My grandpa may be a pedo, but at least he slows down in the school car park.
I ran over an emo yesterday? I wanted to let him see pitch black.
I threw a lamp at an emo? I tried to lighten up his day.
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and ten 6-year-olds?
I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
When the speedbump in a school zone screams, so you go faster.