Body jokes
The judge asked Bill Cosby for his defense. He used feminist talking points and said "My body, my choice" and "It's my right to privacy." The judge, being impartial, let Cosby go.
Q: What did the cannibal say to the leper?
A: You gonna eat that?
Broke my toenail yesterday. I'm now presenting you puns/jokes:
1. "Yeah, I broke my toenail, wanna see phoTOES?" 2. "I'm tired of bandaging my toe! Oh. My. GAUZE."
The school shooter: "I finally found you worthless crybabies!!"
The Quiet Kid: "How are a bag of chips and a mac11 the same?"
The school shooter: "I don't know."
The Quiet kid: "When you pull them out everybody wants to be your friend."
What did the dick say to the condom?
Cover me, I'm going in. 😚😏
I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.
Bill Cosby on rape: "But, I heard, 'my body, my choice.'"
Your mama so fat the flash died halfway running around her.
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
You can keep the tip.
My bitch as flat as her grannie's heartbeat.
I'm going to draw a picture. A picture with a twist. I'll draw it with a razor blade. I'll draw it on my wrist.
The world exploded, so now I need to visit Uranus.
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
What's red and blue and runs up your leg?
A homesick miscarriage.
Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"
Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"
The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"
Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."
The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."
I just shed my pants.
Why don't women parachute naked?
That annoying whistling sound on the way down.
Why was the two-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the meat section from the dairy section.
What does my arm have in common with paper?
They both can be cut.
What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?
A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.