Human Jokes

in Religion

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, “When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah.”

The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to Hell?”

The little girl replied, “Then you ask him.”

in Doctor

When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school. At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters


and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

Those who answered ‘SPINE’ are doctors.

in Animal

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. – I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

in Animal

Why can’t humans hear a dog whistle? – Because dogs can’t whistle.


What’s the difference between a bird and a human? “We don’t eat with our peckers

in Funny Bone

Sans:Zzzzzzzz Papyrus:SANS WAKE UP!! Sans:What is it dude? Papyrus:A human has fallen from the surface world! Sans:And you gotta BONE to pick with 'em?? Papyrus:Grrrrr… Sans:Oh come on that was a real RIBTICKLER.


What’s the difference between humans and bullets?

Humans miss John Lennon

in Sea

why are dolphins so smart? Because within three hours they can train a human to stand at the edge of the pool and feed them fish!



in Sadness

The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?

in Pig

What body part do pigs have that humans don’t have? A hambone.

in Offensive

if mistakes make people human than your parents must have been alligators before you were born

aoife kelly
in Legs

according to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly, it wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don’t care about what humans think is impossible, Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black

in Depression

It’s funny that everyone is depressed like I mean Bullys are depressed Nerds are depressed Bad girls/boys are depressed Kind humans are depressed

in Sadness

What’s the difference between humans and trash cans? One’s actually useful

in Depression

I was happy for once, and my family was happy I was happy but that all changed when they found out I was thinking about bridges and humans

in Potter

why doesnt voldemort have a human nose? because his snake bit it of

Ay Ay Ay im on a vayk
in Aunt

My aunt worked as a human cannon ball

I’m not sure if she was good at it until she got fired

John Doe
in Anti-jokes

What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo!