Human jokes
Why was the Human Torch arrested?
He had firearms.
Have you heard about the animal that was made of a human hand?
It's an ARMadillo.
It's the Olympics.
Q) Why did the man decide not to run in his race? A) Because of Olympiad.
One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.
Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"
What did the chicken say when he saw a human running around uncontrollably?
"It's running around like a chicken with its head cut off!"
What's the single worst terrestrial species? Humans, obviously.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal; its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school.
At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters
'PNEIS'
and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.
Those who answered 'SPINE' are doctors.
Lucas is a baby, a little girl, ooo!
What's the difference between a blind man and a window?
The window can see through itself.
What body part do pigs have that humans don’t have?
A hambone.
According to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground, but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don't care about what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black.
If you unironically think someone who killed themselves should have their body in jail, you are honestly such a fucking embarrassment to humanity.
Why doesn't Voldemort have a human nose?
Because his snake bit it off!
First human comes.
Sans: That was pun intended.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
If Eve sacrificed the human race for an apple, what would she do for a Klondike bar?
Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.
What is the difference between a human and a tree?
And walk, walk home, and...