Human jokes
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal; its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
Have you heard about the animal that was made of a human hand?
It's an ARMadillo.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
What do you call a protest that gets crowded?
Human trafficking.
Why was the Human Torch arrested?
He had firearms.
According to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground, but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don't care about what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black.
I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys...
Huh, I don’t recall ever eating a monkey!
You know what is the worst mistake every human being made?
Answer: Living.
It's funny that everyone is depressed, like, I mean:
Bullys are depressed.
Nerds are depressed.
Bad girls/boys are depressed.
Kind humans are depressed.
What's the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
Why are dolphins so smart?
Because within three hours they can train a human to stand at the edge of the pool and feed them fish!
When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school.
At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters
'PNEIS'
and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.
Those who answered 'SPINE' are doctors.
If mistakes make people human, then your parents must have been alligators before you were born.
Why can't humans hear a dog whistle? -- Because dogs can't whistle.
Two muffins are sitting in a bar.
The first muffin says to the bartender, "I'll have the usual."
The second one does not say anything to the bartender because muffins lack the vocal ability of humans, and even with the proper anatomy capable of speech access, they would most certainly be entirely unable to comprehend the human language. In fact, the first muffin would indefinitely not be able to provide speech to the bartender. The muffins also lack the muscular structure to be capable of support themselves to being suspended also preventing their access to movement. Even with the human-like structure, muffins lack brains, which are an essential part of being able to send nerve contact within the legs to be able to move. Also, with them lacking a brain structure entirely prevents them from speech. The anatomy simply prohibits the food items mentioned to be able to carry out any of the tasks required to get them to said bar and be able to speak, thus making the situation untruthful and completely idiotic.
Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.
What did the chicken say when he saw a human running around uncontrollably?
"It's running around like a chicken with its head cut off!"
I lost all faith in humanity. I am moving to Uranus; it's really big. I might get lost.
What body part do pigs have that humans don’t have?
A hambone.
What is the difference between a human being in the car with the snow and a tree and a walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home 🏠 was your name on it haha 😂 day a day I was thinking of a good