Human Jokes

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school. At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters

'PNEIS'

and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

Those who answered 'SPINE' are doctors.

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

What body part do pigs have that humans don’t have? A hambone.

according to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly, it wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don't care about what humans think is impossible, Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black

Why can't humans hear a dog whistle? -- Because dogs can't whistle.

Why was the Human Torch arrested?

He had firearms.

My aunt worked as a human cannon ball

I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired

Have you heard about the animal that was made of a human hand?

It's an ARMadillo

What's the difference between humans and bullets?

Humans miss John Lennon

you

technically, a human is hollow. we have an empty tube through us from the mouth and nose to the asshole and dick or pussy. we are bascially tubes

What do you call a protest that gets crowded

Human trafficking

why are dolphins so smart? Because within three hours they can train a human to stand at the edge of the pool and feed them fish!

if mistakes make people human than your parents must have been alligators before you were born

What's the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

It's funny that everyone is depressed like I mean Bullys are depressed Nerds are depressed Bad girls/boys are depressed Kind humans are depressed

What’s the difference between a bird and a human? “We don’t eat with our peckers

One time a kid came to the hospital and said “I really need help”, the kid said he was really hot so the put an ice cold towel on him. Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems and he said “yes I am really hot” and the doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said “are you sure, you look amazing” and the kid said that he ment to say I look hot!

God- make a grumpy old man president Angel-why g-cause I said so-name him trump a-okay G-make him not pay taxes a-okay... Fast forwrd to 2020 G- you know that grumpy old man a-yea... G-make him create a deadly virus named after a beer A- Krona G- exactly A- why do you hate humans so much G- because I can.