Human Jokes

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal; its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school.

At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters

'PNEIS'

and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

Those who answered 'SPINE' are doctors.

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

What body part do pigs have that humans don’t have?

A hambone.

According to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground, but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don't care about what humans think is impossible.

Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black.

Why can't humans hear a dog whistle? -- Because dogs can't whistle.

Why was the Human Torch arrested?

He had firearms.

My aunt worked as a human cannonball.

I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.

Have you heard about the animal that was made of a human hand?

It's an ARMadillo.

What's the difference between humans and bullets?

Humans miss John Lennon.

What did a cannibal have as his last meal?

Five guys.

you.

Technically, a human is hollow. We have an empty tube through us from the mouth and nose to the asshole and dick or pussy. We are basically tubes.

What do you call a protest that gets crowded?

Human trafficking.

Why are dolphins so smart?

Because within three hours they can train a human to stand at the edge of the pool and feed them fish!

If mistakes make people human, then your parents must have been alligators before you were born.

What's the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

It's funny that everyone is depressed, like, I mean:

Bullys are depressed.

Nerds are depressed.

Bad girls/boys are depressed.

Kind humans are depressed.

What’s the difference between a bird and a human?

“We don’t eat with our peckers.”

One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.

Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"