Girl

Cleverbot

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, “When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah.”

The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to Hell?”

The little girl replied, “Then you ask him.”

Time

Anonymous

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. – I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Difference

Anonymous

What’s the difference between a bird and a human? “We don’t eat with our peckers

Animal

Anonymous

Why can’t humans hear a dog whistle? – Because dogs can’t whistle.

Nose

OOF

why doesnt voldemort have a human nose? because his snake bit it of

Train

Anonymous

why are dolphins so smart? Because within three hours they can train a human to stand at the edge of the pool and feed them fish!

Time

Anonymous

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. – I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Zoo

John Doe

What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo!

Fat

aoife kelly

according to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly, it wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don’t care about what humans think is impossible, Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black

Sadness

VEN-CI

The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?

Difference

Anonymous

What’s the difference between humans and bullets?

Humans miss John Lennon

Pig

Anonymous

What body part do pigs have that humans don’t have? A hambone.

Life

Anonymous

How do blondes play real life jenga? By stacking humans.

Difference

Anonymous

What’s the difference between humans and trash cans? One’s actually useful

Depression

Jasmine

It’s funny that everyone is depressed like I mean Bullys are depressed Nerds are depressed Bad girls/boys are depressed Kind humans are depressed

Fire

Ay Ay Ay im on a vayk

My aunt worked as a human cannon ball

I’m not sure if she was good at it until she got fired

Puns

Anonymous

Why was the Human Torch arrested?

He had firearms.

Die

Raybid

you know what is the worst mistake every human being made?

answer: living

Boring

Anonymous

Leo: Mother, what is an idiot. Mother: An idiot is someone that explains something in a long, boring way so that the person that the idiot is trying to explain to doesn’t understand. Mother: Do you understand. Leo: No.

Computer

Anonymous

What happens when a computer thinks it knows better than a human? Ask Boeing.

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