Body jokes

What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can't hear an enzyme.

My friend told me my wrist wasn't a cutting board. So I asked her if hers was at all, and if I could borrow it.

Don't be scared of skeletons.

They don't have the guts for murder.

What’s a 9/11 victim’s least favorite song?

Drowning Pool - Bodies.

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

"How do you breathe through something so small?"

Why do old people swallow popcorn kernels?

To make their cremation more entertaining when they die.

I was tickling my step brother's balls, and then it hit me: why is he laughing?

You use your legs as support, you count on your fingers.

How are Kentucky Fried Chicken and a woman the same?

Once you take away the legs and the breasts, you’re left with one greasy box to put your bone in.

Sex is basically math. You add the bed. Subtract the clothes. Divide the legs to multiply inside.

This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."

Damn, bitch, you got a big ass for a head!

What time do butts get up? At the crack of dawn!!!

What's a good way to masturbate?

Get somebody to do it for you.

Bill Cosby on rape: "But, I heard, 'my body, my choice.'"

A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.

One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."

The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"

The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."

So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.

"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."

The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"

The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."

The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"

How can you get free butt plants? Just get your man to fill your butt with natural juices.

Why doesn't a skeleton dance? Because he had no body to dance with. Lol, Sans.

A girl and boy are in bed after sex. The boy goes, “I can’t believe they got together after all that shit.” The girl says, “Who?” The boy goes, “My ass cheeks.”

Everyone has cracks in them, mine's just in my heart and not my ass.