Body jokes
Are guys scared of the word "Choppiness"?
Because it is literally saying "chop-penis."
Your butt is bigger than my ex-girlfriend's butt, and I love it!
(Best pick-up line ever). Your body is like 9/11. I wanna crash into your twin towers. 😏
I had a steering wheel down my pants, and I tell you what, it was driving my balls crazy!
What did the girl say to the man with a moustache?
I moustache you a question.
That moment when you poop 😂
A penis has a sad life.
His hair is a mess. His family is nuts. His neighbor is an asshole. His best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him. That's it for now.
How do you make a body disappear?
You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!
P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.
Ur mum's queef was like a fucking hurricane!
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Not Sally.
Why did the wheels not move on his wheelchair?
Because he had no legs.
Yo momma so skinny, she wipes with floss!
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday, which sucks because I wanted her to flow further down.
What do you call a man with no toes?
No Toe Joe.
I poo 11 times a day.
Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.
If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.
If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.
I’m a star! Because one of these days, I’m going to crash and burn...
If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I’d be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.
I’m like the sun; I’m painful to look at.
If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.
I’m like an eggshell... broken and empty.
If I was a mythical creature, I’d be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.
I’m like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.
My soul is a raisin because it’s dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.
I’m like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.
I’m like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.
I’m like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.
I’m like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.
I’m like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.
My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can’t afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.
Help me...
A man walks over to a little boy and asks, "Wanna see my tattoo of a bunny?"
The little boy replies with, "Yes please, I love bunnies!"
The man proceeds to pull his pants down and said, "Can you see it yet?"
The little boy curious says, "No, where is it?"
The man says, "Dig a little deeper, he runs into the hole when he gets scared!"
My guy: I have a Q-Tip.
Me: You can Q my tip.
My guy: Ayo!