Body jokes
You are so fat that the waiter said to you every time: "Sorry for your weight" instead of "Sorry for the wait."
You're so skinny, you use chapstick as deodorant.
What do you call a skeleton in the snow? A numb skull.
What does a skeleton tile his roof with? Shingles!
What did Sally do when she got home?
Cry because she has no arms.
Do you know what the secret is to have a smoking, hot body as a senior citizen?
Cremation.
The first thing a man looks at in a woman, is her heart.
The fact that her breasts block the view is not her fault.
Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg?
He's all right.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breathe through that tiny thing?"
Not a joke but there's nowhere else to post this, (mainly this post is for the broke people without a gym). Did you know that the body can't tell if you're using weights? So lifting weights are optional.
Some beginner workouts without weights for like really weak people:
1. Sit-ups 10 reps 2. Push-ups 20 per reps 3. Squats 10 per reps 4. Crunches 10 per reps
Your fat!
Yo mama so fat! When she jumps into a pool, NASA found water on Mars!
One day, Little Susie got her monthly bleeding for the first time in her life.
Not quite certain what was happening, and somewhat frightened, she decided to tell Little Johnny. Little Susie dropped her panties and showed Little Johnny what was happening.
Little Johnny's eyes opened wide in amazement. "You know," he said, "I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"
What was the last thing that went through Aiden's head before he died?
His elbow.
Why did the skeleton go to jail?
Because he was bad to the bone!
You are so skinny that the only difference between you and a leaf is color.
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
"Don't worry, you can keep the tip."
Your momma is so fat, she can't even go skinny dipping.
A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"
What is a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child’s body.