Body jokes
What does my arm have in common with paper?
They both can be cut.
What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?
A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.
(Best pick-up line ever). Your body is like 9/11. I wanna crash into your twin towers. 😏
I was going to talk about your chin, but I wasn't sure which one to write about.
I just shed my pants.
Why was the two-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the meat section from the dairy section.
They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.
Why don't women parachute naked?
That annoying whistling sound on the way down.
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."
"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."
"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."
"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."
"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."
"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."
Vagina jokes aren’t funny, period.
What's the best way to remove gum from hair?
Cancer.
Why did Bob fall off the swing while playing? Because he had no arms.
Knock, knock. Who's there?
Not Bob.
What do you call a woman with three boobs? Tres leches.
What do you call the girl with no arms and no legs?
Names.
A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."
What body part do pigs have that humans don’t have?
A hambone.
Yo mama is so fat, she sat on a quarter and popped a booger out of George Washington's nose.
Confucius say, "man who go to sleep with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger."
What is the only warm organ in a dead woman?
My dick!
Bro, tampons look like sperms, and they go up your coochie.