Body jokes

"Your ass must be jealous of all that shit that comes out of your mouth."

They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.

I just shed my pants.

What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?

A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.

What do you call lesbian sex during their period?

A blood transfusion.

Which animal has the largest chest? A Z-bra.

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."

"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."

"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."

"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."

"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."

"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."

What's the best way to remove gum from hair?

Cancer.

Vagina jokes aren’t funny, period.

Why did Bob fall off the swing while playing? Because he had no arms.

Knock, knock. Who's there?

Not Bob.

One day, Little Susie got her monthly bleeding for the first time in her life.

Not quite certain what was happening, and somewhat frightened, she decided to tell Little Johnny. Little Susie dropped her panties and showed Little Johnny what was happening.

Little Johnny's eyes opened wide in amazement. "You know," he said, "I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"

What do you call a woman with three boobs? Tres leches.

What do you call the girl with no arms and no legs?

Names.

A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."

Yo mama is so fat, she sat on a quarter and popped a booger out of George Washington's nose.

Confucius say, "man who go to sleep with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger."

Bro, tampons look like sperms, and they go up your coochie.

You're so skinny that you use Chapstick as deodorant.

At first, I was a boy trapped in a girl's body, then I was born.

What did the dick say to the condom?

Cover me, I'm going in. 😚😏