Body jokes
11:45 - Arrived at crime scene.
11:45 - Examined body. Signs of struggle.
11:45 - Found murder weapon in drain.
11:45 - Realized watch was broken.
If a skinny person wants to gain weight, does that make them a trans fat?
Why did the fat man miss his flight?
His body weight exceeded the weight limit.
What do Woody and Hitler have in common?
Their bodies go limp before they get caught.
Do you know what the secret is to have a smoking hot body?
Cremation.
What do you call someone with no arms and no legs?
A nugget.
It used to be "My Body, My Choice" until Trump came to power. Now it's "Your Body, My Choice."
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had no body to go with.
Why did the little girl fall off the swing? She was born without arms.
What do you say to a feminist with no arms and no legs?
"Nice tits, bitch."
1. What was the skeleton doing at the hockey game?
Driving the zam-bony.
2. Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
3. Why didnât the skeleton go to the dance?
Because he had nobody to dance with.
4. What do you call a skeleton with no friends?
Bonely.
5. Whatâs a skeletonâs favorite plant?
A bone-zai.
6. Why canât skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
7. What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow?
A numb-skull.
8. Why didnât the skeleton laugh at the joke?
Because he didnât have a funny bone.
9. What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs.
10. How do French skeletons say hello?
âBone-jour!â
11. What do you call a skeleton who rings the doorbell?
A dead ringer.
12. Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body.
13. What did one skeleton say to the other skeleton?
âYouâre dead to me.â
14. Why didnât the skeleton play football?
His heart wasnât in it.
15. Why did the skeleton go to jail?
Because he was bad to the bone.
16. Why did the skeleton start a fight?
Because he had a bone to pick.
17. What did the skeleton say to his girlfriend?
âWill you marrow me?â
18. When does a skeleton laugh?
When someone tickles his funny bone.
19. What do you call a skeleton who goes to school but doesnât do any work?
Lazy bones.
20. Why do skeletons hate the cold?
It sends chills up their spine.
21. What do you call a skeleton snake?
A rattler.
22. How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?
He could feel it in his bones.
23. Did you hear about the skeleton who dropped out of medical school?
He didnât have the stomach for it.
24. What happened to the skeleton who sat by the fire too long?
He became bone dry.
25. What kind of TV does a skeleton watch?
A skelevision.
26. What happened to the pirate ship that sank in a sea full of sharks?
It came back with a skeleton crew.
27. What kind of dishes do skeletons serve tea on?
Bone china.
28. What is a skeletonâs favorite mode of transport?
A scare-plane.
29. What does a skeleton fly in if his scare-plane isnât available?
A skele-copter.
30. What do skeletons say when they set off to sea?
âBone voyage!â
31. What type of candy sent the skeleton to the hospital?
Jawbreakers.
32. What do skeletons hate the most about the wind?
Nothing. It goes right through them.
33. Why didnât the skeleton rob the bank?
Because he didnât have the guts.
34. What is a skeletonâs favorite instrument?
A trom-bone.
35. Whatâs a skeletonâs second favorite instrument?
A sax-a-bone.
36. What is a skeletonâs favorite type of film to watch?
A spine-tingler.
37. Why did the skeleton climb up the tree?
Because a dog was after his bones!
38. Who is the most famous French skeleton?
Napolean Bone-aparte.
39. What did the skeleton say to the vampire?
âYou suck.â
40. Who is the most famous skeleton detective?
Sherlock Bones.
41. What did the doctor say to the skeleton who had a temperature of 103 degrees?
âLooks like you are running a femur.â
42. Whatâs a skeletonâs favorite rock band?
The Grateful Dead.
43. What kind of fish do skeletons like to eat?
Carpals.
44. Whatâs a skeletonâs next favorite rock band?
Bone Jovi.
45. Why did the skeleton go to the dance?
To see the boogie man.
46. What is half the diameter of a skeletal circle?
The radius.
47. Why did the skeleton student stay late at school?
He was boning up for his exam.
48. What do bony people use to get into their homes?
A skeleton key.
49. What do you call a skeleton who hangs out in coffee shops and listens to indie music?
A hip-ster.
50. What is a skeletonâs favorite thing to do with their cell phone?
Take skelfies.
51. Why couldnât the police arrest the skeleton?
They couldnât pin anything on him.
52. How did the skeleton know the other skeleton was lying?
He could see right through him.
53. What Spanish food do skeletons enjoy most?
Patella.
54. What did the skeleton say when he went riding on his motorcycle?
âIâm bone to be wild!â
55. Why did the skeleton go to the hospital?
To have his ghoul bladder removed.
56. What do you call a lie told by a skeleton?
A fibula.
57. What did the skeleton say to his wife?
âI love every bone in your body.â
58. What job on a construction site is best suited to a skeleton?
Cranium operator.
59. Whatâs a skeletonâs least favorite room in the house?
The living room.
60. How did skeletons send mail back in the olden days?
The Bony Express.
61. How much does an elephant skeleton weigh?
Skele-tons.
62. What type of art do skeletons like?
Skulltures!
63. What do skeletons complain about?
Aching bones.
64. Why do skeletons drink so much milk?
Itâs good for the bones!
65. Why did the skeleton go to acting classes?
He wanted tibia star.
66. Where do bad jokes about skeletons belong?
In the skelebin.
67. Why canât skeletons fly over Area 51?
Itâs a no-fly bone.
68. What kind of pasta do skeletons enjoy eating the most?
Elbow mac
What do you call a person with nobody and no nose?
Whatâs a 9/11 victimâs least favorite song?
Drowning Pool - Bodies.
When a woman is something weeks or months pregnant and her stomach has a visible bump, everyone rubs her tummy, but no one tickles the husband's balls and says, "Good job, buddy!"
Why was the two-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the meat section from the dairy section.
You're so skinny that a Wi-Fi signal is stronger.
What do you call a guy with no body and nose?
No body nose
Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg?
He's all right.
Yo Momma so hairy, she has to shampoo her armpits.
Why do old people swallow popcorn kernels?
To make their cremation more entertaining when they die.