Bag Jokes

A drunk walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar and says "Bartender, I want to buy that douche bag a drink". The bartender says "You can't talk like that! This is a respectable establishment, I'm going to throw you out!". The drunk says "Okay, I'm sorry. I'd like to buy the lady a drink". The bartender goes to where the woman is sitting and says "The, ah, gentleman at the end of the bar would like to buy you a drink, what will it be?". She says "Vinegar and water"

when a kinderX=MsgBox("you do not have permission to delete this item",2+64,"error")the abcsgarten teacher askes a kid to sing alphabet he said ab3defg teacher said do you like 3d he said yeah teacher yelled ok do you have a3ds yeah he said teacher goes ito his bag and sais say abcs or your 3ds will be destroyed he says ab3defghijlmnopqrs oh he learned well the teacher thrw the 3ds out the window the kid gets it and it still wirks then he googles abcs it goes to youtube and says abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz teacher is proud of the 3ds the class went home tekll ing pa

Why do elephants paint their toes red, blue, green, orange, Brown and yellow?

So they can hide in a bag of M&Ms

Gun + Backpack = Fun

every dorito bag for orphans is family sized

I call my girlfriend .05 because she's a bag I blow into when I've had a few drinks.

I was at a supermarket in Barcelona and I noticed the alarm had gone off. There was a thief at the store the tea bag section had been ransacked. Luckily they found the thief Pionel Pessi with boxes of his favourite tea,Penaltea. Shame on you Pessi.

What do you get when u cross a Muslim in a trench coat and a duffel bag A sad news story

Wats rapboat got in common wit plastic bags? They both a danger to young children.

sso i was in the lunch room and was sitting by the peanut allergic kids table i stood up and i threw a opened bag of peanuts at them and yelled. "25 kill streak" 🤣😂

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Orphans and punching bags are almost the same. They get both Hit but punching bag is still wanted

I hope you have to pull hard on a candy wrapper only for the bag to pop and have the candy fall on the floor

I was making a coffee for my boss and this was the supposed recipe:

1 egg 1 tomato diced bell peppers a bag of sugar sea salt coffee beans rusted nails

I got fired and spent the next 20 years in prison with a dude named Papa Bear

Why does my cheating ex-wife wear a colostomy bag?

She lost her ass playing poker...

Robber 1: *gets shot in ass* Robber 2: you have to shit in a bag for life lol Robber 1: what, the Tesco or Asda one?

I lost my bag. :(

Son, you are not precious so pack your bags because someone else is going to adopt you

Dad, what do you mean someone else will adopt me

Son, your adopted

What's the difference between an orphan dying and a bag of groceries being dropped? While most agree that both are unfortunate, people actually care when they drop their groceries.