Bag jokes
My mom said to take out the trash bags, so I did. And the next day, my mom asked, "Where are your sisters?" I said, "In line to get crushed."
[God creating a jellyfish]
God: How about an evil bag?
What's the difference between a prostitute and a trash bag?
There's a limit to how much trash goes in the trash bag.
I think my family is racist.
I brought a black girl home, and my wife went crazy and told me to pack my bags, and my kids were upset.
My father told me to always carry a women's bag, but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped Mom's bag when we went parachuting. :(
One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.
I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.
You know what you could use? An orphan as a punching bag.
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Quiet Kid: *reaches into bag*
Teacher: EVERYBODY RUN!
Three Indians get captured by an enemy leader, and the leader says, "Go in the woods and find 10 fruits of the same kind."
The first one comes back with apples. The enemy leader says, "Shove them up your butt and don't make a sound, or I will kill you." He gets to two and yells. The leader kills him. He goes up to heaven.
The second guy comes back and has grapes. He gets to 9 and laughs. The leader kills him. He goes to heaven.
The first guy asks the second guy why he laughed, saying he had it in the bag. The second guy said he saw the third guy carrying pineapples.
What do Michael Jackson and a plastic bag have in common?
They both are plastic and like kids.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One's plastic and dangerous to play with; the other is to carry groceries.
Gun + Backpack = Fun!
Q: When a chip gets popped, what happens to it?
A: It gets pooped out of the bag.
Why do orphans have a single chip? Because they don't have a full bag.
How can you help a llama on holiday?
Alpaca your bags.
I lost my bag. :(
What's green and has a thousand nipples?
A garbage bag in the alley behind a breast cancer clinic.
What do you call a white man sandwiched between two black men in a blue sleeping bag?
An Oreo.
What do Michael Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? They’re both made out of plastic and harmful to children.
Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, “Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs, and my ball got away and into your closet. When I went to get it, Daddy came in with the lady next door, and they started hugging and kissing. The lady next door took off Daddy’s clothes, and Daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed. The lady next door got on top of Daddy and started...”.
The mother cuts him off and says, “Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me.” A couple hours later, the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face, shouting, “I’m leaving you... Go ahead, Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier.” Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. “Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs, and my ball got away and into your closet. When I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door, and you both started hugging and kissing. The lady next door took off your clothes, and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed. The lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing Mom did with Uncle Joe last summer.”