Candy jokes
A mom gave her son "the talk". Her son replies, "Wait, so there really isn't candy involved? Guess Grandpa lied."
If you think about it, taking candy from a baby is good because candy is bad for babies.
What candy loves shooting stars? Starbursts!
What type of candy does the most magic?
Twix!
A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:
Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
What's an astronaut's favorite candy? A Milky Way!
What has nut, long, big, and sticky? A Snickers bar.
What's a pedo's favorite snack?
Sour Patch Kids.
Where's is the candy, sir???
Over there.
(kid steps in van)
I don't see any candy.
Dino nuggets are kinda hot. Also, I want to fuck the brown M&M.
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
Q: What was Hitler's least favorite candy?
A: Jujubes.
A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to.
He says to the first one, "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny."
He says to the second one, "You are addicted to food, you named your daughter Candy."
Then the third one whispers to her son, "Come on, Dick, let's go."
How long was the owl trick or treating?
Owl night long!
I know this is a really bad poem, but I'll do it anyway 'cause I have nothing else to do.
'Twas so pretty a night, with people all asleep. Everyone's dreaming of that candy apple treat, and a palace. But alas! No, it's all a dream. Even eating ice cream, it's all a dream! Why can't I have this? Why can't I have that? BUT NO! It's just hitting you like a bat. YOU JUST HAVE TO HAVE IT, you say to yourself. All for me, all for me, and et cetera. It goes on and on. But why wish for riches? You're already rich enough. If you have a device, then take my advise, if you were poor you would have spent the money on food, like honey, not something that... OF ALL THINGS IS GOOGLE!
Like I said, it's really bad. :(
Why did the pedophile get kicked out of the candy store?
Because he snatched all of the Sour Patch Kids.
What is the sun's favorite chocolate bar?
The Milky Way!
Ernie and Burt were camping in the woods, when they woke up Burt asked Ernie "how did you sleep?" Ernie replied with "I slept amazing! I had a great dream that I was in a magic candy world and was sucking the most tastiest lollipop I'd ever tasted in my life."
Burt replied with "Good to hear, I slept amazing too. I had a dream that I was in heaven surrounded by angels, and one of them was giving me a blow job."
Why is black mystery not an Airheads flavor? Because we already know what happened to them. *shot fires*
What do you call two black lads in gold?
A Twix.