Animal

Anonymous

What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate? – A candy baa.

2

Miss

The Special

My favorite quote will always be, “Sketchy candy is better than no candy”

  • One of the thousands of missing children
2

Son

Anonymous

A mom gave her son “the talk”. her son replies "wait so there really isn’t candy involved? Guess Grandpa lied.

Dandy

Anonymous

Candy is dandy

But liqour is quicker.

2

Best

Stradlater

A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, ¨Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!¨ After that he joined the Army and learned to say, ¨Yes sir!¨ After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, ¨Forks and knives, forks and knives!¨ After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, ¨Goody-goody gumdrops!¨ A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows: Policeman: Who killed the man? Foreign man: Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi! Policeman: Did you kill the man? Foreign man: Yes sir! Policeman: What did you use to kill him: Foreign man: Forks and knives, forks and knives! Policeman: You´re under arrest. Foreign man: Goody-goody gumdrops!

3

Jack and Jill

no name

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jills candy But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jills real name is Randy

Hand

XxbillyxscrannerxX

Last halloween i went dressed as a woman. When i rang the doorbell an elderly woman opened and i made grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands. She immediately called the police and told them excactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First he asked are your parents here and i said nothing. Concerned by my answer he then asked if i was ok so i said nothing. He asked me what my name and i responded, "Hellen Keller.

2

Astronaut

Anonymous

What’s an astronauts favorite candy? A Milky Way!

Toe

Dawn

A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it: Doctor: I have good news and bad news Guy" Whats the bad news Doc: They replaced your toe with a piece of candy Guy: Good news? Doc: You now have tic tac toe

Woman

A dirty minded freak.

A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to. He says to the first one "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny" He says to the second one "You are addicted to food, you named you daughter Candy" Then the third one whispers to her son “Come on Dick, lets go.”

Stairs

Black Humor Connoisseur

A pedophile lures a group of Houston Girl Scouts with “Hey girls, would you like some candy?” They all agree and follow him to his neighborhood. There he offers them some more candy and they follow him to his house. Once again he offers them candy to go in to his house. In the lounge he offers them candy to go to his room. As he leads them up the stairs one of them pipes up and says “God, I hope we get laid before we get diabetes”

1

Puns

Overwatch_Gamer321

I love it when candy canes are in mint condition.

Offensive

Balzac2900

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack can eat her candy. He got sick when he got a mouthful of dick and realized her name was Randy

Jack and Jill

Anonymous

Jack and jill went up a hill so Jack could eat her candy. But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of c*** because Jills real name is Randy

Sentence

AbbeyDabbyDoo

You: Say “addicted” after everything I say. Person: Uh okay. You: When you’re obsessed with candy you are…? Person: Addicted. You: When you’re obsessed with drugs you are…? Person: Addicted. You: What hit you in the face last night? Person: Addicted… laughs (It’s supposed to sound like “A dick did”)

Sister

Bj

So my sister was eating Now&Laters, and I continuously heard smacking sounds. So I told her can you stop smacking its annoying. Then she said I cant its a juicy type of candy. So I said, I can stop the candies from making that sound. Then she said how? So I smacked her. :)

Street

memer42069

What happens when you combine candy and dick… That creepy guy down the street!

Jack and Jill

Hi

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could suck Jill’s candy Jack got a shock because Jill’s real name was Randy.

Yo mama

Funny guy

Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the movies she sneaks candy in her fat rolls.

Jack and Jill

Gamer

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill’s candy but Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock ‘cause Jill’s real name is Randy. Yes, this joke is stolen.