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Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jills candy But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jills real name is Randy

My favorite quote will always be, “Sketchy candy is better than no candy”

  • One of the thousands of missing children

Candy is dandy

But liqour is quicker.

A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to. He says to the first one "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny" He says to the second one "You are addicted to food, you named you daughter Candy" Then the third one whispers to her son “Come on Dick, lets go.”

What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate? – A candy baa.

Friend: Why did you touch me? Me: That guy in the corner with no hair , glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.

A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, ¨Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!¨ After that he joined the Army and learned to say, ¨Yes sir!¨ After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, ¨Forks and knives, forks and knives!¨ After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, ¨Goody-goody gumdrops!¨ A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows: Policeman: Who killed the man? Foreign man: Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi! Policeman: Did you kill the man? Foreign man: Yes sir! Policeman: What did you use to kill him: Foreign man: Forks and knives, forks and knives! Policeman: You´re under arrest. Foreign man: Goody-goody gumdrops!

What happens when you combine candy and dick… That creepy guy down the street!

I love it when candy canes are in mint condition.

Last halloween i went dressed as a woman. When i rang the doorbell an elderly woman opened and i made grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands. She immediately called the police and told them excactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First he asked are your parents here and i said nothing. Concerned by my answer he then asked if i was ok so i said nothing. He asked me what my name and i responded, "Hellen Keller.

Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the movies she sneaks candy in her fat rolls.

jack and jill went up the hill so jack could lick her candy but, jack had a shock and a mouth full of cock and jills real name was randy

What did the Jewish pedophile say?

Hey kids, wanna buy some candy?

A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it: Doctor: I have good news and bad news Guy" Whats the bad news Doc: They replaced your toe with a piece of candy Guy: Good news? Doc: You now have tic tac toe

What’s meaner than taking candy from a baby? Throwing the baby off a cliff.

What did the cancer patient get for Valentine’s day? Candy wigs.

4 cows went to the county fair. They saw a sign that said that next year animals can enter a singing contest. They decided that they would enter next year. So they called their group the 4 Cs Quartet since their names were Clementine, Candy, Cookie, and Columbine. They discovered how they could win. After a discussion they decided to eat as much corn as possible, so they would sing in perfect 4 part hominy.

What did santa use as a candy cane? Wait wait I said it wrong Ok What did santa use to do his garden…never mind

You: Say “addicted” after everything I say. Person: Uh okay. You: When you’re obsessed with candy you are…? Person: Addicted. You: When you’re obsessed with drugs you are…? Person: Addicted. You: What hit you in the face last night? Person: Addicted… laughs (It’s supposed to sound like “A dick did”)

Yo Mama So UGLY That on Halloween She didnt get candy

I need to call candy whats candy can bofe if thies balls fit in your mouf

What is a necrophiliac’s favorite candy? A Hearsey’s Kiss

How old r u…? I don’t give a shit stfu and get in ma van. “ NO NO NO” I’ll give u some candy.” Oh ok🤩” is crummy bears alright??