Candy Jokes

A mom gave her son "the talk". her son replies "wait so there really isn't candy involved? Guess Grandpa lied.

I went trick or treating this year with friends. Good thing I dressed as a zombie ....... no one could tell that it was their blood


Daughter: Mommy?

Mom: Hey

Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make sour patch kids?

Mom: They don’t use kids to make sour patch kids

Daughter: Oh that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...

My favorite quote will always be, "Sketchy candy is better than no candy" - One of the thousands of missing children


Did you hear about the magician who did magic with chocolate? I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve.

Why does Michael Jackson wear a white glove? So he won't bite his fingers when he eats a tootsie roll.

A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to. He says to the first one "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny" He says to the second one "You are addicted to food, you named you daughter Candy" Then the third one whispers to her son "Come on Dick, lets go."

I hate this-Everybody knows its how I roll if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll-My Uncle said this.....