A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, ̈Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi! ̈ After that he joined the Army and learned to say, ̈Yes sir! ̈ After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, ̈Forks and knives, forks and knives! ̈ After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, ̈Goody-goody gumdrops! ̈ A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows: Policeman: Who killed the man? Foreign man: Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi! Policeman: Did you kill the man? Foreign man: Yes sir! Policeman: What did you use to kill him: Foreign man: Forks and knives, forks and knives! Policeman: You ́re under arrest. Foreign man: Goody-goody gumdrops!
A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to. He says to the first one "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny" He says to the second one "You are addicted to food, you named you daughter Candy" Then the third one whispers to her son "Come on Dick, lets go."
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate? -- A candy baa.
A mom gave her son "the talk". her son replies "wait so there really isn't candy involved? Guess Grandpa lied.
What's an astronauts favorite candy? A Milky Way!
What candy loves shooting stars? Starbursts!
My favorite quote will always be, "Sketchy candy is better than no candy" - One of the thousands of missing children
Life is like a box of chocolates, mostly dissapointing
What do incest families do on Halloween? Pumpkin
What is a pedophiles favorite part about Halloween? -- Free delivery.
I heard a joke about chocolate bars and it wasn't that funny. So I just snickered..
Halloween! The day nobody questions the bodies dangling in your tree!
A pedophile lures a group of Houston Girl Scouts with "Hey girls, would you like some candy?" They all agree and follow him to his neighborhood. There he offers them some more candy and they follow him to his house. Once again he offers them candy to go in to his house. In the lounge he offers them candy to go to his room. As he leads them up the stairs one of them pipes up and says "God, I hope we get laid before we get diabetes"
I went trick or treating this year with friends. Good thing I dressed as a zombie ....... no one could tell that it was their blood
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack can eat her candy. He got sick when he got a mouthful of dick and realized her name was Randy
You: Say "addicted" after everything I say. Person: Uh okay. You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...? Person: Addicted. You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...? Person: Addicted. You: What hit you in the face last night? Person: Addicted... *laughs* (It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")
Daughter: Mommy?
Mom: Hey
Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make sour patch kids?
Mom: They don’t use kids to make sour patch kids
Daughter: Oh that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...
Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone
what is six inches, and has nuts, and is hard.
a sinkers bar
Did you hear about the magician who did magic with chocolate? I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve.
