Carry Jokes

A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.

The cop asks the woman, "Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?"

She replies, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers."

The cop asks, "So what did you do about it?"

The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!"

"That seems fair enough," the cop says, "so what's in the other sack?"

The old lady replies with, "Not everyone pays..."

How do you get Carrie Underwood to dehydrate fast?

Tell her that all the water supplies contain the COVID vaccine.

Why did the ACLU block the cellphone number of a Christian nationalist minister? Because the Christian nationalist had a virus on his cellphone and kept calling the ACLU because he wanted to join the ACLU because he wanted to become a card-carrying member of the ACLU.

What do a shopping cart and a wheelchair have in common? They both carry vegetables.

That time when you realize that Osama bin Laden and Carrie Underwood share the same birthday...

Spooktober meme!!!

The image shows a text that says, "When you've killed 5 zombies and stabbed a vampire with a stake when you start to wonder why they were carrying bags of candy." Underneath the text is a blurry picture of the character Elmo looking confused.

Nazis have marched in Melbourne. Are you sure Eric Clapton and Carrie Underwood are not touring in Australia?

Radiohead had to remake "Fake Plastic Trees" after encountering Carrie Underwood in real life for the first time.

I got arrested on suspicion of attempted rape all because I was carrying some cable ties, a bit of tape and a piece of cloth. It's such a joke, I hadn't even bought the chloroform yet.

Carrie Underwood and ChatGPT are not the same. ChatGPT is able to create a soul.

I'm shocked that Kanye West never tried to get Carrie Underwood's number after Carrie starred in a pro-Aryan ad for Almay.

So my mom sent a text saying, "I'm gonna need help carrying groceries when I get back." That was 3 months ago.

There was an air crash of a Boeing 737-800 which can carry around 300 passengers.

It crashed in a cemetery.

They recovered 500 bodies.

So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."

What's the difference between Carrie Underwood and a robot?

A robot can feign empathy.

Stop it! What if a blind person sa- oh wait, never mind, carry on.

A black lady goes inside the drug store and asks the pharmacist, "Do you carry tampons?" Then the pharmacist asks the black lady, "Do you want the mini pads or the maxi pads?"

And then the black lady asks the pharmacist, "What is the difference?"

And then the pharmacist asks the black lady, "What is your flow like?"

And then the black lady tells the pharmacist, "Linoleum."

I am an actual police officer (Not gonna mention with which department in case they actually check this site) and tbh I find these jokes funny as fuck, carry on boys.

A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.

"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.

"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."

The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"

She said, "Not everybody paid."