Carry jokes
Why did the rapper always carry a map?
Because he was afraid of getting LOST in the BARS.
How did Teddy Roosevelt swing all the ladies?
He spoke softly and carried a big stick.
A man walks into a bar carrying a big chunk of asphalt and says to the bartender, “Make mine a double Scotch and one more for the road.”
How do you cause an African parade?
You just carry a water bottle around and hold it up!
I confessed to my crush in preschool. Unfortunately, she rejected me. I just carried on and got right back to teaching.
NIGGAAA
A man walks into his bedroom where his wife is carrying a sheep under her arm and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking."
Wife says, "That's not a pig; that's a sheep, dumbass."
Husband says, "I was talking to the sheep."
Why did the rapper always carry a camera?
Because he wanted to "capture" the rap star!
You want to know how to spot a foster kid?
Them carrying their whole life in a Hefty trash bag.
Your mother is so fast, she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack.
Why did the rapper carry an umbrella?
In case of ill rhymes!
What is a card carrying lesbian feminist?
A carpet muncher who is a card carrying member of the National Organization For Women.
Why did the rapper always carry a flashlight?
To SHINE A LIGHT on his talent!
Two natives sit in the bar getting shit-faced.
Almost closing time, "Brother, you gonna snag?"
"Yeah, I'm taking her home."
He walks over, she gathers her things. Walking out together, he takes her to his car outback. They stay messing around then start having sex. He starts to get carried away. He looks down at her. She looks up at him and says, "Slow down, cousin, you're going too fast..."
What do you call a train that carries glue?
A glue-glue train!
My pits are hairy, but my I can carry.
Why did the rapper carry an UMBRELLA?
Because he heard there was a 50% chance of "Lil Wayne."
Why did the rapper always carry a pencil?
In case he had to draw a crowd.
Why are orphans sad?
Don't ask, or their parents may... oh wait, carry on.
Two muffins are sitting in a bar.
The first muffin says to the bartender, "I'll have the usual."
The second one does not say anything to the bartender because muffins lack the vocal ability of humans, and even with the proper anatomy capable of speech access, they would most certainly be entirely unable to comprehend the human language. In fact, the first muffin would indefinitely not be able to provide speech to the bartender. The muffins also lack the muscular structure to be capable of support themselves to being suspended also preventing their access to movement. Even with the human-like structure, muffins lack brains, which are an essential part of being able to send nerve contact within the legs to be able to move. Also, with them lacking a brain structure entirely prevents them from speech. The anatomy simply prohibits the food items mentioned to be able to carry out any of the tasks required to get them to said bar and be able to speak, thus making the situation untruthful and completely idiotic.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.