Carry Jokes

A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.

The cop asks the woman, "Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?"

She replies, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers."

The cop asks, "So what did you do about it?"

The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!"

"That seems fair enough," the cop says, "so what's in the other sack?"

The old lady replies with, "Not everyone pays..."

How do you get Carrie Underwood to dehydrate fast?

Tell her that all the water supplies contain the COVID vaccine.

Why did the ACLU blocked 🚫 📱 the cellphone number of ☺ of a christain nationalist minister because the christain nationalist had a virus on his cellphone 📱 and keep calling the ACLU because he wanted to join the ACLU because he wanted to become a card carrying member of the ACLU

What do a shopping cart and a wheel chair have in common... they both carry vegetables

That time when you realise that Osama bin Laden and Carrie Underwood share the same birthday...

Nazis have marched in Melbourne. Are you sure Eric Clapton and Carrie Underwood are not touring in Australia?

Radiohead had to remake Fake Plastic Trees after encountering Carrie Underwood in real life for the first time.

I got arrested on suspicion of attempted rape all because I was carrying some cable ties, a bit of tape and a piece of cloth. It's such a joke, I hadn't even bought the chloroform yet.

Carrie Underwood and ChatGPT are not the same. ChatGPT is able to create a soul.

I'm shocked that Kanye West never tried to get Carrie Underwood's number after Carrie starred in a pro-Aryan ad for Almay.

So my mom sent a text saying, "I'm gonna need help carrying groceries when I get back." That was 3 months ago.

There was an air crash of a Boeing 737 - 800 which can carry around 300 passengers...

It crashed in a cemetery

They recovered 500 bodies

So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."

Stop it! What if a blind person sa- oh wait, never mind, carry on.

What's the difference between Carrie Underwood and a robot?

A robot can feign empathy.

A black lady goes inside the drug store and ask the pharmacist do you carry tampons and then the pharmacist asked the black lady do you want the mini pads or the maxi pads? and then the black lady ask the pharmacist what is the difference? and then the pharmacist ask the black lady what is your flow like? and then the black lady tells the pharmacist linoleum

I am an actual police officer (Not gonna mention with which department in case they actually check this site) and tbh I find these jokes funny as fuck, carry on boys