A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.

The cop asks the woman, “Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?”

She replies, “Well, there’s a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their p.... through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers.”

The cop asks, “So what did you do about it?”

The old lady says, “I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his p.... through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!”

“That seems fair enough,” the cop says, “so what’s in the other sack?”

The old lady replies with, “Not everyone pays…”

A man walking on his roof, carrying an axe. He drops it on someone below him and says “Sorry, It was an axe-cident!”

So my mom sent a text saying, “I’m gonna need help carrying groceries when I get back.” That was 3 months ago.

what’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag ones plastic and dangerous to play with the other is to carry groceries.

There was an air crash of a Boeing 737 - 800 which can carry around 300 passengers…

It crashed in a cemetery

They recovered 500 bodies

Walked out of the electronic store and saw a midget carrying a big screen TV all by him self and he looked like he needed a hand so i offered to help, he said this is not a big screen TV its a Kindle!!

Guy walks into the house carrying a sheep and says out loud this is the pig I screw when your on the rag and is wife replies that’s not a pig its a sheep and he says I was talking to the sheep.

Why do I carry pepper spray? JUST IN CASE OF AS-SAULT.

YO MAMA is soooooo FAT that she was arrested for carrying 10 pounds of CRACK!!!

Two people walk down the road one sais to the other mitch we past weight watchers 2 minutes ago he responds jake the noodle shop is just here you been carrying that shit on your head for 14 years

A boat carrying red paint ando a boat carrying blue paint crashed into each other. The crews were marooned

Sucicide bombers, carry bombs and remember to breath

Your mum is so stupid she tried to take the crown off a Keep Calm And Carry On poster so that she could become the new queen of England

You might be innocent but if you carry a large sum of cash in public the cops won’t believe that

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