Orphan

Anonymous

Y is it good to be an orphan? Because every bag of chips is family sized

Lost

Anonymous

I lost my bag. :(

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Baby

Anonymous

What’s red and cries? A skinned baby in a bag of salt.

Wife

Dj Winter

There were 2 guys in an asylum. One name Kenny and the other is Bob. The nurse went down the hall and saw Kenny act like he was packing his bags. Nurse said “What are you doin Kenny?” Kenny said “Going to Florida for the week.” Nurse said “Alright see ya when you get back.” Next day Nurse went down the hall again and saw Kenny laying down acting like he was holding a wine glass. Nurse said “What are you doing Kenny?” Kenny said “I am at the beach” Nurse said “Oh I forgot your in Florida for the week, see ya when you get back” Bob’s room was across the hall. Nurse went further down the hall and saw Bob on his bed jerking off. Nurse said “Goddamnit Bob what are you doing?” Bob said “Shhh, I am fucking Kenny’s wife right now, he is in Florida for the week”

Sadness

Anonymous

What do you get when u cross a Muslim in a trench coat and a duffel bag A sad news story

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Alphabet

ADMIN

when a kinderX=MsgBox(“you do not have permission to delete this item”,2+64,“error”)the abcsgarten teacher askes a kid to sing alphabet he said ab3defg teacher said do you like 3d he said yeah teacher yelled ok do you have a3ds yeah he said teacher goes ito his bag and sais say abcs or your 3ds will be destroyed he says ab3defghijlmnopqrs oh he learned well the teacher thrw the 3ds out the window the kid gets it and it still wirks then he googles abcs it goes to youtube and says abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz teacher is proud of the 3ds the class went home tekll ing pa

Orphan

Anonymous

every dorito bag for orphans is family sized

Fat

Anonymous

I have a big bag of Doritos in the kitchen it’s only people who are skinny but the fat people can’t have none all they do is suck it up like a lollipop.

Nut

Anonymous

One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail-mix. I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut

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Toe

GREG PAUL

Why do elephants paint their toes red, blue, green, orange, Brown and yellow?

So they can hide in a bag of M&Ms

Girlfriend

watersharky

This song is just like how my life is and how my girlfriend left. - Do Re Mi- By- blackbear Do, re, mi, fa, so (Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh) Do, re, mi, fa, so (Yeah, yeah, yeah) Yeah, if I could go back to the day we met I probably would just stay in bed You run your mouth all over town And this one goes out to the sound Of breakin’ glass on my Range Rover Pay me back, or bitch it’s over All the presents I would send Fuck my friends behind my shoulder Next time, I’ma stay asleep I pray the Lord my soul to keep, oh And you got me thinkin’ lately Bitch, you crazy And nothing’s ever good enough I wrote a little song for ya It go like Do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin’ done with you, girl So fuckin’ done with all the games you play I ain’t no Tic-Tac-Toe Send the X and O’s on another note I’m do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin’ done with you, baby So send the X and O’s on another note, I’m ghost (Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh) If I could go back to the day we met I probably would’ve stayed in bed You wake up everyday and make me feel like I’m incompetent Designer shoes and Xanax tabs Compliments your make-up bag You never had to buy yourself a drink ‘Cause everybody want to tap that ass sometime And you got me thinkin’ lately Bitch, you crazy And nothing’s ever good enough I wrote a little song for ya It go like Do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin’ done with you, girl So fuckin’ done with all the games you play I ain’t no Tic-Tac-Toe Send the X and O’s on another note I’m do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin’ done with you, baby So send the X and O’s on another note, I’m ghost (Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh) I wrote a little song for you, it go like Do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin’ done with you, girl So fuckin’ done with all the games you play I ain’t no Tic-Tac-Toe Send the X and O’s on another note I’m do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin’ done with you, baby So send the X and O’s on another note, I’m ghost (Yeah, yeah, yeah) Do, re, mi, fa, so (Yeah, yeah, yeah) So send the X and O’s on another note, I’m ghost

Girlfriend

Scott

I call my girlfriend .05 because she’s a bag I blow into when I’ve had a few drinks.

Pen

Misstiano Penaldo

I was studying in Turin and my professor told me I had to use PENS only. I looked in my bag for pens and they were GONE. I looked at the surveillance footage and saw that CRISTIANO PENALDO stole ALL MY PENS. I was fuming. Shame on you Penaldo!

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Orphan

Anonymous

Why can’t orphans eat big bags of chips?

Cause there Family Size✌🏻😂🤣😅🥲

Car

laughing stock

three indans get captured by an enemy leader and the leaders says "go in the woods and find 10 fruits of the same kind.The first one comes back with apples.The enemy leader says "shove them up your butt and don’t make a sound or i will kill you.He get to two and yell.The leader killed him.He goes up to heaven.The second guy come back and has grapes he gets to 9 and laughes.The leader kills him.He goes to heavenThe first guy askes the second guy why did you laugh you had it in the bag.The second guy said he say the third guy carring pineapples.

6

Difference

t h a t g u y

What’s the difference between a prostitute and a trash bag? There’s a limit to how much trash goes in the trash bag.

Adoption

Anonymous

Son, you are not precious so pack your bags because someone else is going to adopt you

Dad, what do you mean someone else will adopt me

Son, your adopted

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Deer

Anonymous

My friend Joe was a great hunter. He always shot like 3 deer every week. He was even better at school when he bagged 30 of them.

Wife

Yeetnaenae21dabz

When ur husband can’t afford for a punching bag he uses his wife

Difference

Anonymous

What is the difference between a bag of dead babies and a Lamborghini? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage. :)