Peanut jokes
How do you find out about the accomplishments of the former president of the United States James Earl Carter?
Read the label on the jar of Skippy peanut butter.
What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!
The other day all those toilet papers came by my house and asked do I have any crack candy. Naw, I don't have no damn crack candy or no crack apples. All I have here in the backyard is a peanut butter crack sandwich. Help yourself, and while you're at it, clean up all the damn doggie dodo that's everywhere. Thank you, Mr. Toilet Papers.
When it's NNN but you have a peanut allergy: 🥳
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
9+10=21
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
Why do people in Alabama like peanut butter and jelly?
Because it's in bread.
Why did Mr. Peanut die?
His cane snapped!
When you throw your peanut butter sandwich at the nut allergy table: 25+ kill streak!
What type of fish goes best with peanut butter?
Jellyfish!
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
Peanut butter 🧈?
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"It's nice, but can it pick up peanuts?"
Little Sally comes home from school one day and says to her mom, "Mommy, mommy, you won’t believe it! Little Johnny just pulled out his PP in class." The mother responded, "Well, what did it look like?" Sally said, "It looks like a peanut." The mother said, "Oh, it was small." "No, it was salty," said Sally.
My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.
We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!
Peanuts are hard to crack, just like my ex-wife's heart.
So little Susie came home and said, "Mom, little Johnny showed me his pecker."
And her mom said, "WHAT?!"
And little Susie was like, "Yeah, it reminded me of a peanut." Her mom said, "Oh, because it was so small?"
Susie said, "No, because it tasted salty."
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
What looks like peanut butter and jelly, and makes a woman scream?
Afterbirth.