Peanut Jokes

Peanut butter 🧈?

How do you find out about the accomplishments of the former president of the United States James Earl Carter?

Read the label on the jar of Skippy peanut butter.

What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

"It's nice, but can it pick up peanuts?"

What do strippers and peanut butter have in common? They both spread for bread.

Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.

My mom is the jelly, and my dad is the peanut butter. And I am the bread, the only thing keeping them together.

What do you call a peanut on the allergy table?

A kill streak.

Roses are red, peanuts are tan. I am joining the Ku Klux Klan.

What do a prostitute and peanut butter have in common?

They both spread for bread.

My Smoothie Ingredients: - Bananas - Strawberry - The Blood of my ex - Peanut Butter

What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass.

What did the bread say to the peanut butter? "I think your nuts."

My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.

We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!

So little Susie came home and said, "Mom, little Johnny showed me his pecker."

And her mom said, "WHAT?!"

And little Susie was like, "Yeah, it reminded me of a peanut." Her mom said, "Oh, because it was so small?"

Susie said, "No, because it tasted salty."

What do you call a sandwich 🥪 full of envy?

Peanut Butter n' Jealousy! 😂

One time I was at home alone with my dawgy, and I was eating peanut butter. I thought since it's oily, I could use it as a lotion, so I spread it all over my private part. My dawgy came over and started licking the peanut butter off my private part, and my private part got big and hard. Then, white stuff came out of my wee wee, and my dawgy started looking up at me and whining.

And then my daddy came home and saw what I was doing and shouted, "What are you doing?" And I said I was using peanut butter on my private part. Then he said, "Well, let me have a taste." And then he started doing what my dawgy was doing.

What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?

Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.

There is a kid in my class who is allergic to peanuts. He says he's gay. He can't be though... he's allergic to nuts!

What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?

With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.