Peanut Jokes

Peanut butter 🧈

How do you find out about the accomplishments of the former president of the united states James Earl Carter? read the label on the jar of skippy peanut butter

What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of you mouth, while the other one doesn't!

What did the elephant say to the naked man? A: Its nice, but can it pick up peanuts?

What do strippers and peanut butter have in common?: They both spread for bread

Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter

My mom is the jelly and my dad is the peanut butter And I am the bread the only thin keeping them together.

What do you call a peanut on the allergy table?

A kill streak

What does a prostitute and peanut butter have in common They both spread for bread

My Smoothie Ingredients -Bananas -Strawberry -The Blood of my ex -Peanut Butter

Roses are red, peanuts are tan. I am joining the Ku Klux Klan.

What did the bread say to the peanut butter? I think your nuts

My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut. We got his EpiPen to help him when penaldo appeared because he heard the word PEN. He tried stealing the pen but I said "no pens for you". And “brentford”.He cried and ran away. Shame on you penaldo the fraud.

What do you call a sandwich 🥪 full of envy?

Peanut Butter n Jealousy! 😂

So little Susie came home and said “mom little johnny show me his pecker”. And her mom said WHAT?! And little Susie was like yea it reminded me of a peanut, her mom said oh because it was so small. Susie said no because it tasted salty.

One time I was at home alone with my dawgy and I was home alone with my dawgy, and, and I was eating peanut butter, and I thought since its oily, I could use it as a lotion, so I spread it all over my private part, and my dawgy came over and started licking the peanut butter up off my private part, and my private part, it got big and hard, and then peanut butter, but white came out of my wee wee, and my dawgy started looking up at me and whining. And then my daddy came home and saw what I was doing and shouted “What are you doing?” And then I said I was using peanut butter on my private part. Then he said, “Well let me have a taste.” And then he started doing what my dawgy was doing.

What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.

There is a kid in my class who is allergic to peanuts. He says hes gay- he can't be tho.. he's allergic to nuts!

What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?

With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.