Bag

Bag jokes

Alley

    • What's green and has a thousand nipples?

    A garbage bag in the alley behind a breast cancer clinic.

  • 1

    • Magazine

    • Me: Hey, that's a really heavy bag, do you have a lot of books and magazines in there?

    The Quiet Kid: Yeah, magazines.....

  • 0

    • Father

    • My father told me to always carry a women's bag, but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped Mom's bag when we went parachuting. :(

  • 1

    • Robber

    • Robber 1: *gets shot in ass*

    Robber 2: You have to shit in a bag for life lol.

    Robber 1: What, the Tesco or Asda one?

  • 1
    • Bag memes

    Parachute

    • The plane crashed. There are 5 seats in Bordeaux and usually 4 parachute seats.

    The first song goes: "I am Cristiano Ronaldo, the best player in the world, so fly with the first helmet."

    One of Ivanka Trump's former supporters said: "I was the US President's teacher." And take an umbrella and fly.

    Former US Secretary of State Donald Trump said: "I am the President of the United States. I am the president of the United States of America, not responsible to the people. Design our package and jump."

    "I'm glad," said the next passenger, Popstag, as he approached. Then the boy explained: "I still can't see anyone's problem. The President of the United States is in my bag..."

  • 0

    • Parachute

    • There were 5 people on an airplane.

    1. The pilot 2. The businessman 3. The Minister 4. The school child 5. The Smartest person in the world

    The plane takes off, a good, solid 1 hour in. The pilot comes out and says, "OK guys, I have good news and bad news."

    "Bad News is the plane is gonna crash. The good news is that I have 4 parachutes."

    The pilot says to his passengers, "Well I'm a pilot, I fly planes. People depend on me!" Took a parachute and went out.

    The businessman stands up and says, "Well I'm a businessman, I run companies!" Took a parachute and went out.

    The smartest person in the world stands up and says, "I'm the smartest person in the world. No one is smarter than me!" Took a parachute and went out.

    Now the minister says to the school child, "Well God has given me a good life. I want you to take the last parachute," and the school child has a massive smile on her face and starts laughing all of the sudden and the minister says, "Why are you smiling?! We're about to die!!!!"

    And the school child says to the minister, "Well actually [we're] not gonna die because there are still 2 parachutes left because the smartest person in the world just took my school bag!"

  • 1

    • Article

    • Nechen has been writing articles for the class for years.

    Then the Guru asked him, "If I die now, what will be on my grave?" Fritchen searched for the plastic bag and shouted, "This is a protective bag!!"

  • 0

    • Baby

    • What is the difference between a bag of dead babies and a Lamborghini?

    I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage. :)

  • 0

    • Gun

    • What do a bag of chips and a gun have in common?

    When you pull either one out in class, everyone all of a sudden wants to be your friend...

  • 4

    • Lady

    • So a lady was walking down the street with two bags, and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills. A cop pulls up and he says, “Ma’am, ma’am, your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills.” Then she says, “Oh, thank you. I wonder how long that’s been going on.” And the cop says, “Before I help you, may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bills?” And the lady says, “OK, I’ll tell you. So I live next to a stadium, and I have this beautiful rose garden, but these dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes. So they stick their junk through the fence, and I grab their junk. I said, ‘$100 dollars or it’s coming off.’” The cop says, “Oh, OK, well what’s the other bag for?” And she says, “Well, not all of them want to give me $100.”

  • 2