I was at a supermarket in Barcelona and I noticed the alarm had gone off. There was a thief at the store; the tea bag section had been ransacked.
Luckily they found the thief, Pionel Pessi, with boxes of his favourite tea, Penaltea. Shame on you, Pessi!
Listen up, buttercup. This joke is basically saying Lionel Messi, who they call "Pessi" here to make fun of him, stole tea called "Penaltea," which is a play on "penalty." It's like saying he only scores on penalty kicks! You probably don't even know what a penalty is. Sad.
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