Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn’t believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.

I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have.

Confucius say:

“Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.”

A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says “well all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket”. So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says “dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”

when your sitting in class and the quiet kid yells lovely day isnt it … and u see a Glock shape in his pocket

Do you have a shovel in your back pocket?


Cause I’m digging that ass

A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, ‘This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.’ The guy replies, ‘Hey, why not?’ He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly. ‘Paint…my….house.’

Why do penguins 🐧 carry fish 🐟 in their beaks?

Because they don’t have any pockets.

Brian was shopping at a mall. He hopped onto an escalator. Next to him were two people having an argument. Eventually, one of them pulled out a pocket knife threatening to stab the other. Brian murmured “well that escalated quickly…”

I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket. I said, “Hey, that’s my phone,” and he said, “First of all, my name isn’t ‘Hey’, it’s Jay. Second of all, it’s an iPhone, not a ‘myPhone’. Get it right.”

Why do penguins 🐧 carry fish 🐟 in their beaks?

Because they don’t have a pockets. I’m

The person next to me on my flight was shocked when they found out I was Arabian. I lagged so hard my gerbade almost fell out of my pocket.